For the last several weeks I have been paying close attention to my thoughts. I am just amazed at how many discouraging thoughts go through this mind...no wonder I struggle from time to time with my feelings. No wonder I have wrong responses to trials. Anyway, one particular thought, which may seem minor to some of you, is "Winter makes me depressed." As far back as I can remember I have struggled with winter time blues. The times I have sunk into depression have been in the winter. A couple of weeks ago, on the way to church, I said to my son, "I wish it would warm up!" Then it hit me, I was complaining!!!!! I was not rejoicing in the day God had given to me b/c it was cold. WOW! All of the sudden, like a ton of bricks, I realized that the thought, "Winter makes me depressed." was a sinful thought, it came from a complaining heart. And I was basing my happiness or joy on my circumstances rather than on God. I confessed the sinful thought to the Lord and asked Him to renew my thoughts. Over the course of the next few days the Lord renewed my thoughts in this particular area... I have come away with this thought instead, "I am tempted to be depressed when it is winter. But there is no reason to not rejoice in this day!" I now recognize that my whole thought process in this was sinful. Winter doesn't make me depressed--my sinful and complaining response to winter or the cold weather is what makes me blue or depressed. I wasn't taking responsibility for my thoughts...I wasn't taking them captive. So now, I need to really replace this with thanksgiving. I need to acknowledge that each day is the day that the Lord has made and rejoice in it. I do recognize that cold weather does tend to affect me physically--it is a bit uncomfortable for me...it's a challenge sometimes to stay warm or healthy and not get tired, which makes it a little harder for me to be thankful...but with the Lord's help, I look forward to perhaps less winter time blues in the future!
"This is the day that the Lord hath made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!"
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Saturday, February 16, 2008
My feelings...
Well, over at girltalk they have been discussing "feelings" and how to control them. It has given me so much to think on. I have realized that what I think is how I feel and how I feel will be how I think. It's a vicious circle if I am not careful. So, I am really being challenged to consider the things I think about...is there anything I tell myself over and over again, whether true or not, that could effect my feelings...be that weight that easily entangles me? God wants me to think of the things that will build me up. Just like we are careful with our words to others--words that are edifying...I have to be sure that my words I speak to myself are edifying to my spirit.
I can really see some things I think that could lead me down the wrong path...thoughts that can ensare my feelings.
Perhaps thoughts that are carried to their extreme, perhaps they hold an ounce of truth...but I carry them to their extreme. So, for the next several days I am going to be watchful to my "extreme" thoughts. Thoughts that have gone amuk.
Di
I can really see some things I think that could lead me down the wrong path...thoughts that can ensare my feelings.
Perhaps thoughts that are carried to their extreme, perhaps they hold an ounce of truth...but I carry them to their extreme. So, for the next several days I am going to be watchful to my "extreme" thoughts. Thoughts that have gone amuk.
Di
Friday, February 8, 2008
An attempt at writing...
The Godly Wife:
Questions that Encourage
This article is written for us Christian women who desire and seek to honor the Lord through godly lives as wives and mothers. So often, we fall short. We all do. Right now at this very moment, my heart is in “godly sorrow” mode for a sin against my husband. Through God’s grace though, I cannot view this sin against my husband as a “failure” on my part—but as a sin, that can and is forgiven. Not a failure. To use the word “failure” would be to say, “As a believer, I am without hope.” No, I should see myself as “More than a conqueror.” Through the ever present and divine power of the Holy Spirit, I can be a godly wife. No, on this side of heaven I will not reach perfection. But through His strength and through faith I can please Him with my life. I can set a pattern of godliness as a wife, because, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” And that is the secret to my contentment in life. It is the secret that keeps me from wallowing in my “failures.” It is the secret that drives me forward after I sin, not backwards. It is what keeps me out of the pit of self pity, when I sin. It is that knowledge that keeps me from punishing myself over and over again, for a sin that has been forgiven. There is always hope for God’s children. Always. When I lose hope, it is not because there is less to hope in, it is because of the variableness of my heart—my heart has lost focus on that hope--because I am not clinging to that eternal hope.
The following questions are based on scriptural concepts for the Christian wife. The questions are meant to only serve as a tool to encourage us toward a God-ward focus in our marriages. It also can serve as a sort of evaluation of where I am at. While, it is true that at times when we follow the commands of scripture, it brings about pleasant results—God does not intend for us to make that our motivation. God can use our obedient lives to encourage others to be obedient. But we must not make this our driving purpose in following God’s commands. And we must recognize that just because I am obeying God will not always mean my husband will. It is important that our primary purpose in obedience to God is because of our commitment to God. God’s word should not be used to accomplish our own will. When we follow the commands of scripture, yet our husbands do not, this will test the motives of our heart. If I choose to discontinue following God’s commands because my husband mistreats me or disobeys God, then that reveals my true motives. Just like, if I continue to obey God, no matter what my husband does, that too will reveal my true motives.
Something I have learned is that my husband has come to rely on me a lot. Just like I have come to rely on him. I believe God intended it to be this way. I think that God means to meet our needs through each other. Not every single need. But a lot of them. I also believe God uses us to show his love to others. I can think of several times my husband did some little thoughtful deed and it was enough to give me the wind in my sails to carry me through the rest of the day. I readily admit that I need my husband’s love and encouragement. When he becomes thoughtless toward me or is harsh with me, that is so very discouraging. It actually can become a stumbling block for me. It can become an obstacle that makes it even harder to live out the Christian life. I would venture to guess that our husbands count on our support in a similar way. You and I both would admit that we are responsible for our own actions and attitudes. But think about the last time your husband praised you or thought to bring you flowers—did this encourage you on to be more attentive to him? Did this give you some umption in your gumption to keep on keeping on? Maybe it even gave you such a vitamin boost that you felt you could take on the world…well, at least the next crisis. There is something about feeling like we are being cheered on. Like someone is on our side--no matter what there is someone who will stick with me. Never turn against me.
So, our primary reason for being a godly wife should be, of course, to honor God with our lives, but what if part of honoring God with our lives was to be the wind in our husband’s sails? To be his cheerleader? Perhaps it honors God to make the cause and effect our secondary motivation—so that we are enriching our marriages?
The following questions can challenge us, draw our attention to areas that need some extra work, or relieve us that we are doing pretty good in some areas. One thing that I think is important to recognize is that just because I fall short in any of these areas does not make me an ungodly wife, nor does it excuse my husband for his sins. But excelling in one or more of these areas does not necessarily mean I have it all together either. What we do does not make us more spiritual. It is Christ in us that makes us more righteous. But these questions can motivate you to press forward to what is ahead, to set your focus on that prize. Please remember, any practical suggestion that I may give in how to apply these scriptural principles, are only suggestions and should not be considered as part of God’s commands. Ask God to give you the wisdom to know how best you can follow through in obedience.
1. What would you say is your primary goal in your marriage: to please God (2 Corinthians 5:9), or to please yourself and hope that God agrees? This is a foundational question for spiritual growth as a godly wife. If pleasing God is not your primary goal, then many things will deter you from following his commands. You may find yourself only obeying God’s commands when it is in your best interest, when it produces the results you are hoping for. You may also find yourself struggling with obeying God when your husband is struggling with obedience. However, if your motivation is from a heart that desires to honor God, then no obstacle will stop you from obedience to God.
2. In what ways do you demonstrate that you are your husband’s helper? (Gen. 2:18) — Do you find ways to encourage and support him, making his service to God easier? Or do the things you say or do hinder him in anyway?
3. How do you show that you cleave to your husband (Gen. 2:24)? Do you put him first? Do his opinions and preferences matter more to you than your parents, friends, authors, teachers, etc? Do you defer to him before others?
3. In what ways do you show your submission to the leadership of your husband in your home? (Gen. 3:16; cf. Prov. 19:3; 21:9, 19; 27:15)? There are some things we can do that will help us guard against trying to be the “leader” of our home. Do your words reflect a respect for your husband? Seeking to show respect with our words, even when we are expressing how we feel about something is one way we can show our submission. It helps to first think carefully about what we should say—filtering our words carefully before we speak can protect us from disrespectfulness. We also show respect to the leader of our home by speaking only good things about our husbands. Not putting him in a negative light. You may also want to consider outside influences that could effect your attitude toward the headship of your husband.
4. Consider your wedding vows. What were/are they? Are you following through with each one? (Ecclesiastes 5:4, 5; Num. 30:2-5; Ps. 15:4b; 50:14; 76:11; Prov. 20:25; contrast Prov. 2:17)? The marriage vows are binding in God's eyes as long as you both shall live. Each day of the week, each moment of the day, you are either working to fulfill those vows, or you are breaking your commitment to them. If you realize that you have broken one or all of your vows, through confession and repentance you will find, not only forgiveness from God, but joy and a new start. It would be an encouragement to your husband as well, to confess this to him and ask him to pray for you as you start anew. Also remember, God is not seeking to condemn you for your sin, but to restore you to fellowship.
5. Are you consistently and openly appreciative of your husband (cf. Song 1:16; 5:10-16)? As a rule, husbands find love through a wife’s praise, honor, and kindness. I believe that most generally husbands respond well to a wife’s encouragement and kindness. In contrast, many husbands find it discouraging and frustrating when his wife is unkind and disrespectful toward him. I have seen men disengage from their wives emotionally when they are being nagged, disrespected, or discouraged. I believe it is similar for us as wives—when our husbands show their love to us through words, appreciation, gifts, thoughtfulness, etc. it becomes a source of strength to us. If a husband is neglectful a wife will usually find it more challenging to carry on through difficult times.
6. How much quality and quantity time do you give to your husband? Does your husband feel that he can discuss things that are on his heart with you? Do you provide the opportunity for him to share with you the things that cause him stress at work? There is never an excuse or justification for adultery and a man is ultimately responsible for remaining pure, but a man whose wife does not show appreciation and attentiveness to him could become more vulnerable to a flattering temptress that would show an interest in him.
7. In what ways do you show your husband that you are on his side? Does he know you are cheering him on? (cf. Prov. 31:23)? As he considers striving for higher goals, and weighs his assets against his liabilities, which are you? Can he say, "The whole world may be against me, but I know I can count on God and my wife to be with me all the way?" Or must he sigh, "This will be challenging, and all the more so because I can never predict from hour to hour whether my wife will be my best friend or my worst and cruelest enemy" (cf. Prov. 25:19)? Or worse still, does he feel, "I don't see how I can even try this, since my wife will be cutting and tearing at me every step of the way" (Prov. 12:4b)?
8. In what ways do you show your husband that your body belongs to him alone? (cf. Prov. 5:19; 1 Cor. 7:3b)? What can I say here? Do you put your husband off because of a headache? Do you withhold intimacy as a form of punishment or a way to manipulate your husband to get your way?
9. What reasons do you give your husband to be proud of you? Do you ever disgrace your husband (Prov. 12:4)? The zest for living that animates a man — or its lack — can reflect his wife's impact on him.
10. In what ways do you support, complement, and enhance your husband in his training of the children (Prov. 13:24; 1 Pet. 3:1, 2)? Do you ever interfere with his leadership (Prov. 10:1b; 29:15)? God’s design is for the husband to be the head of the home. Consider ways that you can encourage your husband to take this lead. If he is not, is there any possibility that he has “given up” this leadership because of the constant struggle he has with you?
11. How do you cultivate spiritual growth in your home? (cf. Job 2:9, 10; Prov. 12:4b)? They say that women most generally set the tone of the home. What tone do you set? Is it a place that is conducive for spiritual growth—as far as it depends on you? What part do you have in providing a restful, quiet refuge from the world and its sins?
12. How can you draw your husband closer to God through your words? (Song 4:16; 7:11)(Prov. 19:13b [Hebrew = something like "striking," or "assaulting dripping"; 27:15]? Do you use your tongue to build him up (Prov. 12:4; 14:1), or to tear him down (ibid.)? Be careful how you use your words. They are powerful. Cutting remarks, passive aggressive jabs, and tongue lashings will drive anyone away. Our words can cut through to a person’s soul and hurt them deeply.
13. How wise are you in accepting your husband's correction, whether mild or intense? Okay—this one can be a tough one for me. And in my experience with talking with other women, I am not alone. It is hard to welcome critique. It is hard to be told we have done something wrong or that we need to make adjustments to what we are doing. But a wise woman will welcome her husband’s rebukes, instructions, and challenges (Ps. 141:5; Prov. 9:8b, 9). One of the jobs that our husbands have is to love us as Christ does. Part of loving a person in this way means rebuking them when they need it. God has also commanded our husbands to be a part of the process of holiness in our lives. What makes it even harder to accept rebuke is when our husbands seem to lack compassion, gentleness, or humility in their approach. Yet, if we are wise, we will filter the way in which the message was delivered and consider the truth that is in it. No matter what, being wise will mean always keeping a teachable heart, no matter the spirit in which the message was delivered.
14. When you disagree with your husband, do you continue to respect him and the position that God has placed him in? Do you respect your husband in your heart, in how you think of him (Prov. 4:23; cf. 1 Pet. 3:2, 5, 6 with Gen. 18:12 [i.e. Sarah thought of Abraham as "my lord" in her heart])? Are you quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry (James 1:19)? Do you leave room for the possibility that you might be wrong? Are you willing to admit when you are wrong? Are you willing to run to the foot of the cross first? Or do you feel that he should admit his wrong first? Do you disagree in humility? Cor. 13:5b)? Do you give him the benefit of a doubt (1 Cor. 13:7), or do you "shoot first and ask questions later," or never? Do you "declare war" easily (contra 1 Cor. 13:5), or seldom or never (Eph. 4:2; Jas. 3:17)? Do you consider if this is just a preference rather than “he is wrong” issue?
15. When you realize that your husband is mistaken how do you handle it? Do you focus on winning him, by means of godly and respectful behavior (1 Peter 3:1, 2)? Are you more concerned about and for him than you are about proving yourself right? (Prov. 21:9, 19; 25:24; 27:15)? Again, assuming that your husband is indeed mistaken or in the wrong, how do you think about him? Do you refuse to judge his motives, or do you allow yourself to judge him, concluding that his motivation is evil (Matt. 7:1)? Do you think the worst of him, or the best (1 Cor. 13:7)? Do you let yourself be lured into thinking of and treating him as a despised enemy, or do you love and desire to help him as a dear friend — as you would want to be treated, were you in error (ibid.; Matt. 7:12)? Are you building a case against him in your heart, and devising strategies to defeat him? Do you continually set up unreasonable expectations for your husband to meet--setting him up for constant failure, or are you nurturing love and respect for him, and conceiving ways to help, bless, serve, adorn, and win him (Gen. 2:18; Prov. 12:4; 31:12; Rom. 13:10; 1 Pet. 3:1)? Are you looking for ways to be served or to serve?
16. In what ways can your husband’s heart trust in you? Is he able to be confident that you will do him good and not evil all the days of your life (Prov. 31:11, 12)? Does he have reason to be sure of your love, your support, your friendliness, your companionship, your help — all those things you promised him when you married him (Gen. 2:18, 24, 25; Prov. 2:17)? Or must he always be on guard, fearful of the next conflict? Can he concentrate on moving forward, of must he ever guard his flank, fearing your next assault? Does he live in fear that you might unexpectantly leave him?
Questions that Encourage
This article is written for us Christian women who desire and seek to honor the Lord through godly lives as wives and mothers. So often, we fall short. We all do. Right now at this very moment, my heart is in “godly sorrow” mode for a sin against my husband. Through God’s grace though, I cannot view this sin against my husband as a “failure” on my part—but as a sin, that can and is forgiven. Not a failure. To use the word “failure” would be to say, “As a believer, I am without hope.” No, I should see myself as “More than a conqueror.” Through the ever present and divine power of the Holy Spirit, I can be a godly wife. No, on this side of heaven I will not reach perfection. But through His strength and through faith I can please Him with my life. I can set a pattern of godliness as a wife, because, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” And that is the secret to my contentment in life. It is the secret that keeps me from wallowing in my “failures.” It is the secret that drives me forward after I sin, not backwards. It is what keeps me out of the pit of self pity, when I sin. It is that knowledge that keeps me from punishing myself over and over again, for a sin that has been forgiven. There is always hope for God’s children. Always. When I lose hope, it is not because there is less to hope in, it is because of the variableness of my heart—my heart has lost focus on that hope--because I am not clinging to that eternal hope.
The following questions are based on scriptural concepts for the Christian wife. The questions are meant to only serve as a tool to encourage us toward a God-ward focus in our marriages. It also can serve as a sort of evaluation of where I am at. While, it is true that at times when we follow the commands of scripture, it brings about pleasant results—God does not intend for us to make that our motivation. God can use our obedient lives to encourage others to be obedient. But we must not make this our driving purpose in following God’s commands. And we must recognize that just because I am obeying God will not always mean my husband will. It is important that our primary purpose in obedience to God is because of our commitment to God. God’s word should not be used to accomplish our own will. When we follow the commands of scripture, yet our husbands do not, this will test the motives of our heart. If I choose to discontinue following God’s commands because my husband mistreats me or disobeys God, then that reveals my true motives. Just like, if I continue to obey God, no matter what my husband does, that too will reveal my true motives.
Something I have learned is that my husband has come to rely on me a lot. Just like I have come to rely on him. I believe God intended it to be this way. I think that God means to meet our needs through each other. Not every single need. But a lot of them. I also believe God uses us to show his love to others. I can think of several times my husband did some little thoughtful deed and it was enough to give me the wind in my sails to carry me through the rest of the day. I readily admit that I need my husband’s love and encouragement. When he becomes thoughtless toward me or is harsh with me, that is so very discouraging. It actually can become a stumbling block for me. It can become an obstacle that makes it even harder to live out the Christian life. I would venture to guess that our husbands count on our support in a similar way. You and I both would admit that we are responsible for our own actions and attitudes. But think about the last time your husband praised you or thought to bring you flowers—did this encourage you on to be more attentive to him? Did this give you some umption in your gumption to keep on keeping on? Maybe it even gave you such a vitamin boost that you felt you could take on the world…well, at least the next crisis. There is something about feeling like we are being cheered on. Like someone is on our side--no matter what there is someone who will stick with me. Never turn against me.
So, our primary reason for being a godly wife should be, of course, to honor God with our lives, but what if part of honoring God with our lives was to be the wind in our husband’s sails? To be his cheerleader? Perhaps it honors God to make the cause and effect our secondary motivation—so that we are enriching our marriages?
The following questions can challenge us, draw our attention to areas that need some extra work, or relieve us that we are doing pretty good in some areas. One thing that I think is important to recognize is that just because I fall short in any of these areas does not make me an ungodly wife, nor does it excuse my husband for his sins. But excelling in one or more of these areas does not necessarily mean I have it all together either. What we do does not make us more spiritual. It is Christ in us that makes us more righteous. But these questions can motivate you to press forward to what is ahead, to set your focus on that prize. Please remember, any practical suggestion that I may give in how to apply these scriptural principles, are only suggestions and should not be considered as part of God’s commands. Ask God to give you the wisdom to know how best you can follow through in obedience.
1. What would you say is your primary goal in your marriage: to please God (2 Corinthians 5:9), or to please yourself and hope that God agrees? This is a foundational question for spiritual growth as a godly wife. If pleasing God is not your primary goal, then many things will deter you from following his commands. You may find yourself only obeying God’s commands when it is in your best interest, when it produces the results you are hoping for. You may also find yourself struggling with obeying God when your husband is struggling with obedience. However, if your motivation is from a heart that desires to honor God, then no obstacle will stop you from obedience to God.
2. In what ways do you demonstrate that you are your husband’s helper? (Gen. 2:18) — Do you find ways to encourage and support him, making his service to God easier? Or do the things you say or do hinder him in anyway?
3. How do you show that you cleave to your husband (Gen. 2:24)? Do you put him first? Do his opinions and preferences matter more to you than your parents, friends, authors, teachers, etc? Do you defer to him before others?
3. In what ways do you show your submission to the leadership of your husband in your home? (Gen. 3:16; cf. Prov. 19:3; 21:9, 19; 27:15)? There are some things we can do that will help us guard against trying to be the “leader” of our home. Do your words reflect a respect for your husband? Seeking to show respect with our words, even when we are expressing how we feel about something is one way we can show our submission. It helps to first think carefully about what we should say—filtering our words carefully before we speak can protect us from disrespectfulness. We also show respect to the leader of our home by speaking only good things about our husbands. Not putting him in a negative light. You may also want to consider outside influences that could effect your attitude toward the headship of your husband.
4. Consider your wedding vows. What were/are they? Are you following through with each one? (Ecclesiastes 5:4, 5; Num. 30:2-5; Ps. 15:4b; 50:14; 76:11; Prov. 20:25; contrast Prov. 2:17)? The marriage vows are binding in God's eyes as long as you both shall live. Each day of the week, each moment of the day, you are either working to fulfill those vows, or you are breaking your commitment to them. If you realize that you have broken one or all of your vows, through confession and repentance you will find, not only forgiveness from God, but joy and a new start. It would be an encouragement to your husband as well, to confess this to him and ask him to pray for you as you start anew. Also remember, God is not seeking to condemn you for your sin, but to restore you to fellowship.
5. Are you consistently and openly appreciative of your husband (cf. Song 1:16; 5:10-16)? As a rule, husbands find love through a wife’s praise, honor, and kindness. I believe that most generally husbands respond well to a wife’s encouragement and kindness. In contrast, many husbands find it discouraging and frustrating when his wife is unkind and disrespectful toward him. I have seen men disengage from their wives emotionally when they are being nagged, disrespected, or discouraged. I believe it is similar for us as wives—when our husbands show their love to us through words, appreciation, gifts, thoughtfulness, etc. it becomes a source of strength to us. If a husband is neglectful a wife will usually find it more challenging to carry on through difficult times.
6. How much quality and quantity time do you give to your husband? Does your husband feel that he can discuss things that are on his heart with you? Do you provide the opportunity for him to share with you the things that cause him stress at work? There is never an excuse or justification for adultery and a man is ultimately responsible for remaining pure, but a man whose wife does not show appreciation and attentiveness to him could become more vulnerable to a flattering temptress that would show an interest in him.
7. In what ways do you show your husband that you are on his side? Does he know you are cheering him on? (cf. Prov. 31:23)? As he considers striving for higher goals, and weighs his assets against his liabilities, which are you? Can he say, "The whole world may be against me, but I know I can count on God and my wife to be with me all the way?" Or must he sigh, "This will be challenging, and all the more so because I can never predict from hour to hour whether my wife will be my best friend or my worst and cruelest enemy" (cf. Prov. 25:19)? Or worse still, does he feel, "I don't see how I can even try this, since my wife will be cutting and tearing at me every step of the way" (Prov. 12:4b)?
8. In what ways do you show your husband that your body belongs to him alone? (cf. Prov. 5:19; 1 Cor. 7:3b)? What can I say here? Do you put your husband off because of a headache? Do you withhold intimacy as a form of punishment or a way to manipulate your husband to get your way?
9. What reasons do you give your husband to be proud of you? Do you ever disgrace your husband (Prov. 12:4)? The zest for living that animates a man — or its lack — can reflect his wife's impact on him.
10. In what ways do you support, complement, and enhance your husband in his training of the children (Prov. 13:24; 1 Pet. 3:1, 2)? Do you ever interfere with his leadership (Prov. 10:1b; 29:15)? God’s design is for the husband to be the head of the home. Consider ways that you can encourage your husband to take this lead. If he is not, is there any possibility that he has “given up” this leadership because of the constant struggle he has with you?
11. How do you cultivate spiritual growth in your home? (cf. Job 2:9, 10; Prov. 12:4b)? They say that women most generally set the tone of the home. What tone do you set? Is it a place that is conducive for spiritual growth—as far as it depends on you? What part do you have in providing a restful, quiet refuge from the world and its sins?
12. How can you draw your husband closer to God through your words? (Song 4:16; 7:11)(Prov. 19:13b [Hebrew = something like "striking," or "assaulting dripping"; 27:15]? Do you use your tongue to build him up (Prov. 12:4; 14:1), or to tear him down (ibid.)? Be careful how you use your words. They are powerful. Cutting remarks, passive aggressive jabs, and tongue lashings will drive anyone away. Our words can cut through to a person’s soul and hurt them deeply.
13. How wise are you in accepting your husband's correction, whether mild or intense? Okay—this one can be a tough one for me. And in my experience with talking with other women, I am not alone. It is hard to welcome critique. It is hard to be told we have done something wrong or that we need to make adjustments to what we are doing. But a wise woman will welcome her husband’s rebukes, instructions, and challenges (Ps. 141:5; Prov. 9:8b, 9). One of the jobs that our husbands have is to love us as Christ does. Part of loving a person in this way means rebuking them when they need it. God has also commanded our husbands to be a part of the process of holiness in our lives. What makes it even harder to accept rebuke is when our husbands seem to lack compassion, gentleness, or humility in their approach. Yet, if we are wise, we will filter the way in which the message was delivered and consider the truth that is in it. No matter what, being wise will mean always keeping a teachable heart, no matter the spirit in which the message was delivered.
14. When you disagree with your husband, do you continue to respect him and the position that God has placed him in? Do you respect your husband in your heart, in how you think of him (Prov. 4:23; cf. 1 Pet. 3:2, 5, 6 with Gen. 18:12 [i.e. Sarah thought of Abraham as "my lord" in her heart])? Are you quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry (James 1:19)? Do you leave room for the possibility that you might be wrong? Are you willing to admit when you are wrong? Are you willing to run to the foot of the cross first? Or do you feel that he should admit his wrong first? Do you disagree in humility? Cor. 13:5b)? Do you give him the benefit of a doubt (1 Cor. 13:7), or do you "shoot first and ask questions later," or never? Do you "declare war" easily (contra 1 Cor. 13:5), or seldom or never (Eph. 4:2; Jas. 3:17)? Do you consider if this is just a preference rather than “he is wrong” issue?
15. When you realize that your husband is mistaken how do you handle it? Do you focus on winning him, by means of godly and respectful behavior (1 Peter 3:1, 2)? Are you more concerned about and for him than you are about proving yourself right? (Prov. 21:9, 19; 25:24; 27:15)? Again, assuming that your husband is indeed mistaken or in the wrong, how do you think about him? Do you refuse to judge his motives, or do you allow yourself to judge him, concluding that his motivation is evil (Matt. 7:1)? Do you think the worst of him, or the best (1 Cor. 13:7)? Do you let yourself be lured into thinking of and treating him as a despised enemy, or do you love and desire to help him as a dear friend — as you would want to be treated, were you in error (ibid.; Matt. 7:12)? Are you building a case against him in your heart, and devising strategies to defeat him? Do you continually set up unreasonable expectations for your husband to meet--setting him up for constant failure, or are you nurturing love and respect for him, and conceiving ways to help, bless, serve, adorn, and win him (Gen. 2:18; Prov. 12:4; 31:12; Rom. 13:10; 1 Pet. 3:1)? Are you looking for ways to be served or to serve?
16. In what ways can your husband’s heart trust in you? Is he able to be confident that you will do him good and not evil all the days of your life (Prov. 31:11, 12)? Does he have reason to be sure of your love, your support, your friendliness, your companionship, your help — all those things you promised him when you married him (Gen. 2:18, 24, 25; Prov. 2:17)? Or must he always be on guard, fearful of the next conflict? Can he concentrate on moving forward, of must he ever guard his flank, fearing your next assault? Does he live in fear that you might unexpectantly leave him?
Sunday, January 20, 2008
My week
Thanks for all your prayers...we have needed them. The past week has been hard and pretty busy. I wasn't home much at all. Unfortunately, b/c of family strife my grandfather's estate had to be settled right away. My mom was the legal executor of that. Thus, my brother, myself and Paul were pretty tied up in that this week.
Due to the fact that most of my family are not saved and that they do crack cocaine there was alot of conflict. At one point my uncles got into it and I had to call the police--it was a pretty ugly fight. I thought they would kill each other. Guns were within reach...kind of scary. So sad that earthly possessions are that important and that there is so much bitterness and hositilty that lives within their hearts. The police did come and calm the situation. There were some unfortunate things that led up to this conflict and since then there have been more. Threats have been made on our lives and my grandfather's house. Anyway, the saga continues there...
So, of course, many cards have come in the mail. So sweet. It is encouraging when people let you know that you are thought of and prayed for. They all have meant a great deal to me. But there is one that has stood out to me the most. A lady in our church sent me a "Give Thanks" list with her card. Giving thanks is so key to handling grief in a way that will give glory to God. Hey, giving thanks is key to everything really! And yet, it is something we forget to do the most often. It's probably the most obvious thing we know we should do...but alas, we forget!
So, I want to share what I am thankful for from this trial:
I have so many many things to be thankful for. The Lord has granted such peace and grace this week. I don't know what I would do without him.
It struck me just how complicated my family's lives are...they are so afraid of the police. I am thankful for a different and better life. I was reminded of the verses in Romans 13 about how if you live a life of good you have no reason to fear the authority. That is definitely a blessing I have never realized I had. I have had that blessing and didn't even realize it. I wonder how many things I have and don't realize it.
I think that I have alot more peace than I even realize. Do you know what I mean?
I guess I haven't realized how much grace and peace is right there at my disposal. But it is always there...grace upon grace...it will never run out.
It is always flowing.
So many things have gone through my mind this week. I am so grateful for God's truth from scripture. Usually we think of truth as being for the purpose of teaching, learning, and correction...but it is also for the purpose of comfort. God's truth is reassuring. It is sweeter than honey in the comb. My love for God's truth has grown alot just in this past week.
The other thing that I am thankful for has been God's forgiveness and love. If it hadn't been for his love given to me I could have never forgiven what needed to be forgiven and I too, like my uncles would live in perputual bitterness and unforgiveness.
I thought this morning in church about how if I am a child of God I am without excuse for unforgiveness or bitterness in my heart. Since I have experienced that love, forgiveness, and kindness then I am able to forgive. I am able to love unconditionally and I am able to extend kindness even when someone has heaped evil on me. Yet, even God's children waste alot of their lives away with unforgiveness and bitterness. Perhaps it is b/c we either don't truly appreciate and understand God's love for us...or we don't care about it. But I am learning more and more just how powerful and deep the Father's love really is.
The Lord gives the Lord takes away, blessed be His name!
Di
Due to the fact that most of my family are not saved and that they do crack cocaine there was alot of conflict. At one point my uncles got into it and I had to call the police--it was a pretty ugly fight. I thought they would kill each other. Guns were within reach...kind of scary. So sad that earthly possessions are that important and that there is so much bitterness and hositilty that lives within their hearts. The police did come and calm the situation. There were some unfortunate things that led up to this conflict and since then there have been more. Threats have been made on our lives and my grandfather's house. Anyway, the saga continues there...
So, of course, many cards have come in the mail. So sweet. It is encouraging when people let you know that you are thought of and prayed for. They all have meant a great deal to me. But there is one that has stood out to me the most. A lady in our church sent me a "Give Thanks" list with her card. Giving thanks is so key to handling grief in a way that will give glory to God. Hey, giving thanks is key to everything really! And yet, it is something we forget to do the most often. It's probably the most obvious thing we know we should do...but alas, we forget!
So, I want to share what I am thankful for from this trial:
I have so many many things to be thankful for. The Lord has granted such peace and grace this week. I don't know what I would do without him.
It struck me just how complicated my family's lives are...they are so afraid of the police. I am thankful for a different and better life. I was reminded of the verses in Romans 13 about how if you live a life of good you have no reason to fear the authority. That is definitely a blessing I have never realized I had. I have had that blessing and didn't even realize it. I wonder how many things I have and don't realize it.
I think that I have alot more peace than I even realize. Do you know what I mean?
I guess I haven't realized how much grace and peace is right there at my disposal. But it is always there...grace upon grace...it will never run out.
It is always flowing.
So many things have gone through my mind this week. I am so grateful for God's truth from scripture. Usually we think of truth as being for the purpose of teaching, learning, and correction...but it is also for the purpose of comfort. God's truth is reassuring. It is sweeter than honey in the comb. My love for God's truth has grown alot just in this past week.
The other thing that I am thankful for has been God's forgiveness and love. If it hadn't been for his love given to me I could have never forgiven what needed to be forgiven and I too, like my uncles would live in perputual bitterness and unforgiveness.
I thought this morning in church about how if I am a child of God I am without excuse for unforgiveness or bitterness in my heart. Since I have experienced that love, forgiveness, and kindness then I am able to forgive. I am able to love unconditionally and I am able to extend kindness even when someone has heaped evil on me. Yet, even God's children waste alot of their lives away with unforgiveness and bitterness. Perhaps it is b/c we either don't truly appreciate and understand God's love for us...or we don't care about it. But I am learning more and more just how powerful and deep the Father's love really is.
The Lord gives the Lord takes away, blessed be His name!
Di
Friday, January 18, 2008
Take Heart
This is a quote by Paul Tripp on the phrase, "Take heart" found in Psalms 27.
"When I'm in difficulty and I "take heart" in the Lord, rather than be weakened by the difficulty, I grow stronger. The more I meditate on the glory of God, the more my faith grows; the more my faith grows the more I respond to life with hope and courage; the more I respond to life with hope and courage, the more I harvest the new fruit in concrete changes in the situations and relationship that I am facing.
If you're God's child, you have reason to "take heart," no matter what you're facing."
"When I'm in difficulty and I "take heart" in the Lord, rather than be weakened by the difficulty, I grow stronger. The more I meditate on the glory of God, the more my faith grows; the more my faith grows the more I respond to life with hope and courage; the more I respond to life with hope and courage, the more I harvest the new fruit in concrete changes in the situations and relationship that I am facing.
If you're God's child, you have reason to "take heart," no matter what you're facing."
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Prayer vs Thinking
y times we hear, "just pray about it." But the older I get the more I realize that I have used prayer to tell God what I want, to ask Him to bless what I want, to push my will on Him, to vent my frustrations, to worry and complain, and to avoid what I know He already wants me to do. We really misuse prayer sometimes. And perhaps the most commonly misuse is for the purpose of stalling. We already know what God wants us to do and we stall for more time all in the name of "I need to pray some more about that." It's sort of like reading a command in scripture, turning around and saying, "well, I need to pray about that and ask God if he really meant for me to obey." Nothing wrong with praying that GOd would give me strength to obey...but it shouldn't be a stall tactic. Came across a quote today:
Martyn Lloyd-Jones in his teaching of John's first epistle. He writes:
In a situation of crisis, the New Testament does not immediately say, "Let us pray." It always says first, "Let us think, let us understand the truth, let us take a firm hold of the doctrine." Prayer may be quite useless and quite void. . . . Prayer is sometimes an excuse for not thinking, an excuse for avoiding a problem or a situation. Have we not all known something of this in our personal experience? We have often been in difficulty and we have prayed to God to deliver us, but in the meantime we have not put something right in our lives as we should have done. Instead of facing the trouble, and doing what we knew we should be doing, we have prayed. I suggest that at a point like that, our duty is not to pray but to face the truth, to face the doctrine and to apply it. Then we are entitled to pray, and not until then.
Martyn Lloyd-Jones in his teaching of John's first epistle. He writes:
In a situation of crisis, the New Testament does not immediately say, "Let us pray." It always says first, "Let us think, let us understand the truth, let us take a firm hold of the doctrine." Prayer may be quite useless and quite void. . . . Prayer is sometimes an excuse for not thinking, an excuse for avoiding a problem or a situation. Have we not all known something of this in our personal experience? We have often been in difficulty and we have prayed to God to deliver us, but in the meantime we have not put something right in our lives as we should have done. Instead of facing the trouble, and doing what we knew we should be doing, we have prayed. I suggest that at a point like that, our duty is not to pray but to face the truth, to face the doctrine and to apply it. Then we are entitled to pray, and not until then.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Big Story Perspective
Okay...so often I get this idea in my mind that this life, this story, every drama, every trial, every blessing that goes on in my life is all about "MY story" and I am the key character in my drama. But you know, there is such a bigger picture to everything that happens to each of us. We are just embedded in a bigger story: GOD'S story. I am just a very very small part...I mean very small. I think the toughest time for me to remember this is when someone sins against me. I think that it is a sin against me and me only. I think that since I believe this I can deal with it according to how it will help me. Perhaps pragmatically, I will decide to obey scripture about dealing with conflict, just when it is in MY best interest. I also tend to let that sin against me get me all bent out of shape--especially if I am lacking an eternal perspective about the crisis/conflict. I suppose an eternal perspective will keep me from falling apart or responding in an out of control manner. Sometimes, when a person offends us we can think that that is what life is all about...MY disappointments, MY hurts, MY offenses, and so forth. When we think this way it can cause us to be consumed by these disappointments...and I think that is where we will find much unhappiness, lack of joy, and discontentment. Perhaps it is like letting our joy and contentment rest on what others do. But if I can grasp that bigger picture, that eternal picture and find my rest in that eternal hope, then maybe disappointments from others won't be such a zinger that knocks me down.
I can't help but think about Joseph and his response to his brother's who had sold him to slavery: "You intended to harm me, but God meant it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." (Genesis 50:20)
It is very evident in his response that he had a "bigger" picture of life. He didn't see himself as the key character or his life as the main story line. He saw his life as a very small part in a bigger picture. That picture is God's redemption story. We are all embedded in this "redemption story." So in reality, there is only one story. Not millions and billions. Just one. GOD'S. And it's a story about redeeming love. And the cool thing is, Jesus' name is whispered in every part of the story...in your part and mine. His name is whispered in the part about Noah and the flood; Adam and Eve; Jonah and the whale; Daniel and the lions; and Shadrach, Meshach, and Abindego in the fiery furnace. Jesus is the main character. His demonstration of the greatest love: dying on the cross for our sins is the main story line.
I guess I really need to get to a place where I see myself as a small part in a bigger story. One story of all time. Not many different stories. Maybe this perspective will help me learn to respond to being sinned against in a graceful way.
So the next time someone sins against me I need to remember:
1. Turn to the Lord--not away from Him. Our sinful responses and focus can cause us to turn away from the Lord in these difficult situations. I need to continue to meditate on Him and His goodness, His beauty, His love, His forgiveness, His faithfulness, and all other attributes that we see in this Larger Story of the main character: Jesus. It's easy to dwell on all the mean and nasty things people say and do to us. We can become consumed by the hurt others cause us. But letting my mind consider and meditate on the Lord and His character is a better replacement and will keep my focus on that Bigger Picture and the Main Character.
2. Remember your place. Your life no longer belongs to you. Your story is no longer just your story. You now are part of a kingdom of another and your life is part of the plan and purposes of that kingdom. Don't allow yourself to begin to think that you're in the center of your universe. Remember, you've been chosen to live for the glory of another, and when you do, you'll reach levels of personal contentment and joy that aren't possible any other way.
3. Be wise: learn your lessons. Let the trials, the hurt of others strengthen your character. God has you in the painful moment, not simply to reveal himself to you, but to grow and change you through it as well. He's chosen to keep you in this fallen world because he has a bigger purpose than your happiness. He also isn't done refining you. Sure, you long for the grace of release and the grace of relief, and sometimes you do experience these, but primarily this moment is a moment of refinement. The heat of interpersonal difficulty is meant to purify us, something that each of us continues to need. We should never be surprised when life hurts and is hard. And don't be too quick to find away out of the heat. The heat is what is refining us.
4. Reflect his light. Point others to Him. In our trials, in these hurtful times, God is not only calling you to submit to his will, but to actively give yourself to the values and work of his kingdom. He calls you to reflect the light of HIS character. Remember you have died to self. You are now alive to Him, for Him. He calls you to suffer in ways that can only be explained by his presence and power in your life. Jesus said it this way, "that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)
5. Don't be selfish--Be selfless. Since conflicts, trials, and difficulties are not all about you and me, think about how you can minister to others. What will help them and build them up--not what will be easiest or less painful for you. It may call for you to do something really hard. Really drastic to help and encourage them. It may call for you to confront them in love. It may call for you to put aside your own interests and look to theirs. It may require a sacrifice of time or money. It may call for you to allow them to experience pain.
6. Be a servant. Be willing to wash the feet of those God places in your life. Look for ways to serve others. Remember, we are here to serve, not to be served. Don't be about setting your life up for yourself. Don't be looking for ways others can serve you and make you happy and comfortable.
So, we are part of a bigger story. A story of redemption and love. WOW! How awesome to know this and to have the privilege of being a part of that. I am honored that the Lord allows me to be a part of His redemption plan. I mean, it's just amazing! I can't help but think about all my weaknesses and sins. And yet He works through those to make His story happen.
Di
I can't help but think about Joseph and his response to his brother's who had sold him to slavery: "You intended to harm me, but God meant it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." (Genesis 50:20)
It is very evident in his response that he had a "bigger" picture of life. He didn't see himself as the key character or his life as the main story line. He saw his life as a very small part in a bigger picture. That picture is God's redemption story. We are all embedded in this "redemption story." So in reality, there is only one story. Not millions and billions. Just one. GOD'S. And it's a story about redeeming love. And the cool thing is, Jesus' name is whispered in every part of the story...in your part and mine. His name is whispered in the part about Noah and the flood; Adam and Eve; Jonah and the whale; Daniel and the lions; and Shadrach, Meshach, and Abindego in the fiery furnace. Jesus is the main character. His demonstration of the greatest love: dying on the cross for our sins is the main story line.
I guess I really need to get to a place where I see myself as a small part in a bigger story. One story of all time. Not many different stories. Maybe this perspective will help me learn to respond to being sinned against in a graceful way.
So the next time someone sins against me I need to remember:
1. Turn to the Lord--not away from Him. Our sinful responses and focus can cause us to turn away from the Lord in these difficult situations. I need to continue to meditate on Him and His goodness, His beauty, His love, His forgiveness, His faithfulness, and all other attributes that we see in this Larger Story of the main character: Jesus. It's easy to dwell on all the mean and nasty things people say and do to us. We can become consumed by the hurt others cause us. But letting my mind consider and meditate on the Lord and His character is a better replacement and will keep my focus on that Bigger Picture and the Main Character.
2. Remember your place. Your life no longer belongs to you. Your story is no longer just your story. You now are part of a kingdom of another and your life is part of the plan and purposes of that kingdom. Don't allow yourself to begin to think that you're in the center of your universe. Remember, you've been chosen to live for the glory of another, and when you do, you'll reach levels of personal contentment and joy that aren't possible any other way.
3. Be wise: learn your lessons. Let the trials, the hurt of others strengthen your character. God has you in the painful moment, not simply to reveal himself to you, but to grow and change you through it as well. He's chosen to keep you in this fallen world because he has a bigger purpose than your happiness. He also isn't done refining you. Sure, you long for the grace of release and the grace of relief, and sometimes you do experience these, but primarily this moment is a moment of refinement. The heat of interpersonal difficulty is meant to purify us, something that each of us continues to need. We should never be surprised when life hurts and is hard. And don't be too quick to find away out of the heat. The heat is what is refining us.
4. Reflect his light. Point others to Him. In our trials, in these hurtful times, God is not only calling you to submit to his will, but to actively give yourself to the values and work of his kingdom. He calls you to reflect the light of HIS character. Remember you have died to self. You are now alive to Him, for Him. He calls you to suffer in ways that can only be explained by his presence and power in your life. Jesus said it this way, "that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)
5. Don't be selfish--Be selfless. Since conflicts, trials, and difficulties are not all about you and me, think about how you can minister to others. What will help them and build them up--not what will be easiest or less painful for you. It may call for you to do something really hard. Really drastic to help and encourage them. It may call for you to confront them in love. It may call for you to put aside your own interests and look to theirs. It may require a sacrifice of time or money. It may call for you to allow them to experience pain.
6. Be a servant. Be willing to wash the feet of those God places in your life. Look for ways to serve others. Remember, we are here to serve, not to be served. Don't be about setting your life up for yourself. Don't be looking for ways others can serve you and make you happy and comfortable.
So, we are part of a bigger story. A story of redemption and love. WOW! How awesome to know this and to have the privilege of being a part of that. I am honored that the Lord allows me to be a part of His redemption plan. I mean, it's just amazing! I can't help but think about all my weaknesses and sins. And yet He works through those to make His story happen.
Di
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