Something I have been thinking alot about lately...the Lord has recently been revealing some motivation in me that is less than pure. It's funny how when you begin a new role in your life you can face some insecurities. And that's kind of where I am at.
As a PW I go to my husband's work. I watch him at work. The way I act and my kids act are kind of all connected to his job. It's hard to keep it all separated out.
Actually, there are some biblical expectations the Lord has placed upon me as a PW--like, I need to be temperate, self controlled, etc. I suppose you could say that in order for my husband to qualify for the job he has, I have to qualify. And really, so do my kids. Scripture even teaches that an Elder/Bishop should be able to manage his own household well or he is not qualified.
Ultimately though, those qualifications all fall on my husband's shoulders.
That's alot of pressure.
Then you add to that hundreds of people's expectations. People are all so different. Therefore, expectations will be different from person to person. Everyone comes from various backgrounds, etc.
Then there are the expectations that I place on myself. Sometimes those are very unreasonable. Why I do it, I don't know for sure--expect that maybe it has to do with pride. The Lord is slowly revealing to me the "whys" of this.
Anyhow, I find myself tempted at times to respond to expectations from myself or those around me instead of from the Lord. It's a huge temptation when you are in the spotlight.
My most recent prayer has been, "Lord, please help me to be the woman you have called me to be. Help me to seek to serve you, not man."
I believe that I need to be responding from faith to do the things I do, not other's expectations. I need to be compelled by love to serve. I need to have a genuine heart for this ministry God has placed us in.
It's also easy to get wrapped up in self-serving motivation. Like, doing for others, so that I get something in return, perhaps approval, maybe friendship, etc.
I have to be on guard for this. It's way too easy to fall prey to these wrong motivations. I am just a person with very weak flesh.
Di
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3 comments:
Di, this is so hard! It breaks my heart how often we all put people who work in vocational ministry up on a pedastool, as if they too are not fallen human beings in need of God's grace. What a burden this puts on people like you and your hubby! I pray that your congregation will be convicted of any unfair expectations they put on you. I do think you are so right too about the expectations we put on ourselves. I love what you are praying and I will pray that for you too. I pray that for myself also!
Thanks for sharing Di!
This isn't a big problem where we are. Alot of the expectations I feel are being assumed by me because of past experience in other churches. SOme of these expectations are definitely self imposed. I can be too hard on myself at times. Thanks for your comment.
I hear you on assuming expectations yourself! I do this all of the time. That is encouraging to hear that you are not feeling too many expectations by people at the church themselves. I know I was convicted in the last couple years of the expectations I have put on pastors wives. I think knowing I will be one someday and that I am not perfect makes me all the more aware of how unfair my expectations on others are.
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