CREATED TO BE HIS

Life

2008-04-27T13:28:00.000-07:00

Been awhile since I have posted anything.
Life goes forward. My kids are getting big! It is exciting to see God at work in their lives. It's funny how having kids makes you think about things you wouldn't otherwise think about. I learn alot b/c of them too. I think they are a tool in God's hands to sanctify me. My son who is almost 13 amazes me sometimes. His insights into scripture go beyond his years. I think it has to do with how much discipleship my husband does with him. While my son still hasn't quite chosen to submit to God's will for his life, I believe it is just around the corner. The Lord keeps after him. It's interesting how it seems like one particular area of his life God is pursuing him in...and that's choosing on his own to be in the word and prayer. I tend to believe that as soon as my son makes this choice on his own we will see tremendous growth. School work is hard for him. God uses it to keep his attention. God wants this boy's heart! I can tell. It has helped for him to have a ministry this year in the public school. He and his sister come along with me to good news club. Tim went from this aloof attitude about it too teaching the mission lesson each week. I do believe my son has the gift of teaching. He is amazing to watch teach.
Then there is my sweet daughter. She has decided her course. And I have never seen some so determined as she to follow God. She is excited about the Lord. He is her delight. She reads and studies her bible and has a prayer journal. What a blessing to see my daughter follow the Lord.
Everyday I see the Lord at work in our home. I would not want to miss this for the world. I can't imagine choosing the worldly materials over this!
My daughter has alot of skill with her hands. I remember when she was little she loved to do things with her hands. This continues to follow her. She has only been playing the piano 8 months and is at level 3 and playing from a hymnal. Okay...so she is a very unique teenage girl. She loves hymns, doesn't want to get wrapped with boys, and hates shopping! She adores her daddy. Very rarely does my daughter argue with us. But she didn't get to this place easily. It's been a difficult passed year. She went through a sort of rebellion--that really concerned my husband and I. We were sort of side swiped by her anger after my Brother in law died. She became a different person. She also seemed suicidal. It left my husband and I second guessing ourselves. In my mom's great wisdom she encouraged us with the truth. She said God hangs on to our children tighter than we do. Don't lose heart! God isn't finished with her yet!
So true. I am glad we listened to her. I can't believe we are where are today.
So while my son now seems to be going through a difficult time and am assured that God has everything under control.
Sometimes we forget that God uses trials in our children's lives just like he does in adults. He is sanctifying our children too and we shouldn't get in the way of that. I shouldn't be there to cushion the "pain" that God intends to use to draw them close to Him.
I heard an amazing story this weekend. It was about the life of a chinese woman who gave her life for the Lord. (The book is called, If I perish"). She was in a prison because she had shared the gospel. She became so ill that they set her free temporarily so that she could get well enough to come back. When she left the prison her mother met her at the doors. She said to her that she was supposed to be where God wanted her--in prison. She reminded her that life outside the prison walls wasn't much easier for Christians. Wow! you know, I don't know that I could send my child back into torture. That seems like a big thing to ask! But isn't that what the Heavenly Father did for us?
I must make sure that my grip on my children is loose. Ready to give them up at a moments notice for the Lord. But it's a process to get to that place of willingness. So, anyway, I have been praying that I would losen my grip and give the Holy Spirit room in my children's lives. I want them to learn to hear his voice, not really mine.
Well, I have rambled.
Thanks for hanging this long with me.
Di

Why can I praise him in the storms?

2008-04-08T13:00:00.000-07:00

Currently, I am reading a book entitled, "War of Words" by Paul Tripp. So the following are some thoughts I have gleaned from his book:

So, there lots of bible verses we have learned that teach we should be thankful always. We should praise God always. We should always rejoice. There are alot of praise and worship songs that teach the same principle. Two of my favorite songs that teach this are: "I Will Praise Him in the Storm" and "Blessed be the Name." We know this is true. We can clearly see it as a command. Definitely a way to worship the Lord. But have you ever stopped to ask yourself, "Why can I praise Him when things are going so badly?"

Think for a minute about your everyday communication...what does it usually express? Maybe we usually complain about our difficult circumstances. Tough neighbors, difficult job, disruptive kids at good news club (my personal one), unappreciative family members (husband, wife, children), defective lawn mower, heavy taxes, and the list goes on. Or maybe we are irritated toward people who get in our way? Like during rush hour traffic, child who is in the bathroom when you need it, etc. Our words even express envy toward others...like toward that non-believing neighbor who has the extra money to build on that new addition to their house, or maybe Christian friends who seem to be the object of God's blessings, or your best friend who gets that full ride scholarship to an Ivy League college.

You know, so much of our praise tends to be limited to moments when we have determined that what he has done is good. When we have good health, a new baby safely arrives, getting a good grade on a test. But many times, when the things are going "bad" --those are the times we have to remind ourselves to make ourselves praise Him. But what if we were to truly believe that God is in everything? What if we were to truly believe that God is in every single moment of my life--at work, doing something good in me, something redemptive? Perhaps if we begin to realize this and believe it, we will understand why we are to praise him in the storms. In reality, God is always doing something good in my life. ALWAYS. That is why I can and should ALWAYS rejoice and be thankful. This thought is truly humbling to me. God has us just where HE wants us so that HE can accomplish those good purposes in me that he promises to complete.

Ephesians 2:13

"For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose."

My thought life

2008-03-13T11:09:00.001-07:00

For the last several weeks I have been paying close attention to my thoughts. I am just amazed at how many discouraging thoughts go through this mind...no wonder I struggle from time to time with my feelings. No wonder I have wrong responses to trials. Anyway, one particular thought, which may seem minor to some of you, is "Winter makes me depressed." As far back as I can remember I have struggled with winter time blues. The times I have sunk into depression have been in the winter. A couple of weeks ago, on the way to church, I said to my son, "I wish it would warm up!" Then it hit me, I was complaining!!!!! I was not rejoicing in the day God had given to me b/c it was cold. WOW! All of the sudden, like a ton of bricks, I realized that the thought, "Winter makes me depressed." was a sinful thought, it came from a complaining heart. And I was basing my happiness or joy on my circumstances rather than on God. I confessed the sinful thought to the Lord and asked Him to renew my thoughts. Over the course of the next few days the Lord renewed my thoughts in this particular area... I have come away with this thought instead, "I am tempted to be depressed when it is winter. But there is no reason to not rejoice in this day!" I now recognize that my whole thought process in this was sinful. Winter doesn't make me depressed--my sinful and complaining response to winter or the cold weather is what makes me blue or depressed. I wasn't taking responsibility for my thoughts...I wasn't taking them captive. So now, I need to really replace this with thanksgiving. I need to acknowledge that each day is the day that the Lord has made and rejoice in it. I do recognize that cold weather does tend to affect me physically--it is a bit uncomfortable for me...it's a challenge sometimes to stay warm or healthy and not get tired, which makes it a little harder for me to be thankful...but with the Lord's help, I look forward to perhaps less winter time blues in the future!

"This is the day that the Lord hath made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!"

My feelings...

2008-02-16T14:12:00.001-08:00

Well, over at girltalk they have been discussing "feelings" and how to control them. It has given me so much to think on. I have realized that what I think is how I feel and how I feel will be how I think. It's a vicious circle if I am not careful. So, I am really being challenged to consider the things I think about...is there anything I tell myself over and over again, whether true or not, that could effect my feelings...be that weight that easily entangles me? God wants me to think of the things that will build me up. Just like we are careful with our words to others--words that are edifying...I have to be sure that my words I speak to myself are edifying to my spirit.
I can really see some things I think that could lead me down the wrong path...thoughts that can ensare my feelings.
Perhaps thoughts that are carried to their extreme, perhaps they hold an ounce of truth...but I carry them to their extreme. So, for the next several days I am going to be watchful to my "extreme" thoughts. Thoughts that have gone amuk.
Di

An attempt at writing...

2008-02-08T17:48:00.000-08:00

The Godly Wife:
Questions that Encourage

This article is written for us Christian women who desire and seek to honor the Lord through godly lives as wives and mothers. So often, we fall short. We all do. Right now at this very moment, my heart is in “godly sorrow” mode for a sin against my husband. Through God’s grace though, I cannot view this sin against my husband as a “failure” on my part—but as a sin, that can and is forgiven. Not a failure. To use the word “failure” would be to say, “As a believer, I am without hope.” No, I should see myself as “More than a conqueror.” Through the ever present and divine power of the Holy Spirit, I can be a godly wife. No, on this side of heaven I will not reach perfection. But through His strength and through faith I can please Him with my life. I can set a pattern of godliness as a wife, because, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” And that is the secret to my contentment in life. It is the secret that keeps me from wallowing in my “failures.” It is the secret that drives me forward after I sin, not backwards. It is what keeps me out of the pit of self pity, when I sin. It is that knowledge that keeps me from punishing myself over and over again, for a sin that has been forgiven. There is always hope for God’s children. Always. When I lose hope, it is not because there is less to hope in, it is because of the variableness of my heart—my heart has lost focus on that hope--because I am not clinging to that eternal hope.
The following questions are based on scriptural concepts for the Christian wife. The questions are meant to only serve as a tool to encourage us toward a God-ward focus in our marriages. It also can serve as a sort of evaluation of where I am at. While, it is true that at times when we follow the commands of scripture, it brings about pleasant results—God does not intend for us to make that our motivation. God can use our obedient lives to encourage others to be obedient. But we must not make this our driving purpose in following God’s commands. And we must recognize that just because I am obeying God will not always mean my husband will. It is important that our primary purpose in obedience to God is because of our commitment to God. God’s word should not be used to accomplish our own will. When we follow the commands of scripture, yet our husbands do not, this will test the motives of our heart. If I choose to discontinue following God’s commands because my husband mistreats me or disobeys God, then that reveals my true motives. Just like, if I continue to obey God, no matter what my husband does, that too will reveal my true motives.
Something I have learned is that my husband has come to rely on me a lot. Just like I have come to rely on him. I believe God intended it to be this way. I think that God means to meet our needs through each other. Not every single need. But a lot of them. I also believe God uses us to show his love to others. I can think of several times my husband did some little thoughtful deed and it was enough to give me the wind in my sails to carry me through the rest of the day. I readily admit that I need my husband’s love and encouragement. When he becomes thoughtless toward me or is harsh with me, that is so very discouraging. It actually can become a stumbling block for me. It can become an obstacle that makes it even harder to live out the Christian life. I would venture to guess that our husbands count on our support in a similar way. You and I both would admit that we are responsible for our own actions and attitudes. But think about the last time your husband praised you or thought to bring you flowers—did this encourage you on to be more attentive to him? Did this give you some umption in your gumption to keep on keeping on? Maybe it even gave you such a vitamin boost that you felt you could take on the world…well, at least the next crisis. There is something about feeling like we are being cheered on. Like someone is on our side--no matter what there is someone who will stick with me. Never turn against me.
So, our primary reason for being a godly wife should be, of course, to honor God with our lives, but what if part of honoring God with our lives was to be the wind in our husband’s sails? To be his cheerleader? Perhaps it honors God to make the cause and effect our secondary motivation—so that we are enriching our marriages?
The following questions can challenge us, draw our attention to areas that need some extra work, or relieve us that we are doing pretty good in some areas. One thing that I think is important to recognize is that just because I fall short in any of these areas does not make me an ungodly wife, nor does it excuse my husband for his sins. But excelling in one or more of these areas does not necessarily mean I have it all together either. What we do does not make us more spiritual. It is Christ in us that makes us more righteous. But these questions can motivate you to press forward to what is ahead, to set your focus on that prize. Please remember, any practical suggestion that I may give in how to apply these scriptural principles, are only suggestions and should not be considered as part of God’s commands. Ask God to give you the wisdom to know how best you can follow through in obedience.
1. What would you say is your primary goal in your marriage: to please God (2 Corinthians 5:9), or to please yourself and hope that God agrees? This is a foundational question for spiritual growth as a godly wife. If pleasing God is not your primary goal, then many things will deter you from following his commands. You may find yourself only obeying God’s commands when it is in your best interest, when it produces the results you are hoping for. You may also find yourself struggling with obeying God when your husband is struggling with obedience. However, if your motivation is from a heart that desires to honor God, then no obstacle will stop you from obedience to God.
2. In what ways do you demonstrate that you are your husband’s helper? (Gen. 2:18) — Do you find ways to encourage and support him, making his service to God easier? Or do the things you say or do hinder him in anyway?
3. How do you show that you cleave to your husband (Gen. 2:24)? Do you put him first? Do his opinions and preferences matter more to you than your parents, friends, authors, teachers, etc? Do you defer to him before others?
3. In what ways do you show your submission to the leadership of your husband in your home? (Gen. 3:16; cf. Prov. 19:3; 21:9, 19; 27:15)? There are some things we can do that will help us guard against trying to be the “leader” of our home. Do your words reflect a respect for your husband? Seeking to show respect with our words, even when we are expressing how we feel about something is one way we can show our submission. It helps to first think carefully about what we should say—filtering our words carefully before we speak can protect us from disrespectfulness. We also show respect to the leader of our home by speaking only good things about our husbands. Not putting him in a negative light. You may also want to consider outside influences that could effect your attitude toward the headship of your husband.
4. Consider your wedding vows. What were/are they? Are you following through with each one? (Ecclesiastes 5:4, 5; Num. 30:2-5; Ps. 15:4b; 50:14; 76:11; Prov. 20:25; contrast Prov. 2:17)? The marriage vows are binding in God's eyes as long as you both shall live. Each day of the week, each moment of the day, you are either working to fulfill those vows, or you are breaking your commitment to them. If you realize that you have broken one or all of your vows, through confession and repentance you will find, not only forgiveness from God, but joy and a new start. It would be an encouragement to your husband as well, to confess this to him and ask him to pray for you as you start anew. Also remember, God is not seeking to condemn you for your sin, but to restore you to fellowship.
5. Are you consistently and openly appreciative of your husband (cf. Song 1:16; 5:10-16)? As a rule, husbands find love through a wife’s praise, honor, and kindness. I believe that most generally husbands respond well to a wife’s encouragement and kindness. In contrast, many husbands find it discouraging and frustrating when his wife is unkind and disrespectful toward him. I have seen men disengage from their wives emotionally when they are being nagged, disrespected, or discouraged. I believe it is similar for us as wives—when our husbands show their love to us through words, appreciation, gifts, thoughtfulness, etc. it becomes a source of strength to us. If a husband is neglectful a wife will usually find it more challenging to carry on through difficult times.
6. How much quality and quantity time do you give to your husband? Does your husband feel that he can discuss things that are on his heart with you? Do you provide the opportunity for him to share with you the things that cause him stress at work? There is never an excuse or justification for adultery and a man is ultimately responsible for remaining pure, but a man whose wife does not show appreciation and attentiveness to him could become more vulnerable to a flattering temptress that would show an interest in him.
7. In what ways do you show your husband that you are on his side? Does he know you are cheering him on? (cf. Prov. 31:23)? As he considers striving for higher goals, and weighs his assets against his liabilities, which are you? Can he say, "The whole world may be against me, but I know I can count on God and my wife to be with me all the way?" Or must he sigh, "This will be challenging, and all the more so because I can never predict from hour to hour whether my wife will be my best friend or my worst and cruelest enemy" (cf. Prov. 25:19)? Or worse still, does he feel, "I don't see how I can even try this, since my wife will be cutting and tearing at me every step of the way" (Prov. 12:4b)?
8. In what ways do you show your husband that your body belongs to him alone? (cf. Prov. 5:19; 1 Cor. 7:3b)? What can I say here? Do you put your husband off because of a headache? Do you withhold intimacy as a form of punishment or a way to manipulate your husband to get your way?
9. What reasons do you give your husband to be proud of you? Do you ever disgrace your husband (Prov. 12:4)? The zest for living that animates a man — or its lack — can reflect his wife's impact on him.
10. In what ways do you support, complement, and enhance your husband in his training of the children (Prov. 13:24; 1 Pet. 3:1, 2)? Do you ever interfere with his leadership (Prov. 10:1b; 29:15)? God’s design is for the husband to be the head of the home. Consider ways that you can encourage your husband to take this lead. If he is not, is there any possibility that he has “given up” this leadership because of the constant struggle he has with you?
11. How do you cultivate spiritual growth in your home? (cf. Job 2:9, 10; Prov. 12:4b)? They say that women most generally set the tone of the home. What tone do you set? Is it a place that is conducive for spiritual growth—as far as it depends on you? What part do you have in providing a restful, quiet refuge from the world and its sins?
12. How can you draw your husband closer to God through your words? (Song 4:16; 7:11)(Prov. 19:13b [Hebrew = something like "striking," or "assaulting dripping"; 27:15]? Do you use your tongue to build him up (Prov. 12:4; 14:1), or to tear him down (ibid.)? Be careful how you use your words. They are powerful. Cutting remarks, passive aggressive jabs, and tongue lashings will drive anyone away. Our words can cut through to a person’s soul and hurt them deeply.
13. How wise are you in accepting your husband's correction, whether mild or intense? Okay—this one can be a tough one for me. And in my experience with talking with other women, I am not alone. It is hard to welcome critique. It is hard to be told we have done something wrong or that we need to make adjustments to what we are doing. But a wise woman will welcome her husband’s rebukes, instructions, and challenges (Ps. 141:5; Prov. 9:8b, 9). One of the jobs that our husbands have is to love us as Christ does. Part of loving a person in this way means rebuking them when they need it. God has also commanded our husbands to be a part of the process of holiness in our lives. What makes it even harder to accept rebuke is when our husbands seem to lack compassion, gentleness, or humility in their approach. Yet, if we are wise, we will filter the way in which the message was delivered and consider the truth that is in it. No matter what, being wise will mean always keeping a teachable heart, no matter the spirit in which the message was delivered.
14. When you disagree with your husband, do you continue to respect him and the position that God has placed him in? Do you respect your husband in your heart, in how you think of him (Prov. 4:23; cf. 1 Pet. 3:2, 5, 6 with Gen. 18:12 [i.e. Sarah thought of Abraham as "my lord" in her heart])? Are you quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry (James 1:19)? Do you leave room for the possibility that you might be wrong? Are you willing to admit when you are wrong? Are you willing to run to the foot of the cross first? Or do you feel that he should admit his wrong first? Do you disagree in humility? Cor. 13:5b)? Do you give him the benefit of a doubt (1 Cor. 13:7), or do you "shoot first and ask questions later," or never? Do you "declare war" easily (contra 1 Cor. 13:5), or seldom or never (Eph. 4:2; Jas. 3:17)? Do you consider if this is just a preference rather than “he is wrong” issue?
15. When you realize that your husband is mistaken how do you handle it? Do you focus on winning him, by means of godly and respectful behavior (1 Peter 3:1, 2)? Are you more concerned about and for him than you are about proving yourself right? (Prov. 21:9, 19; 25:24; 27:15)? Again, assuming that your husband is indeed mistaken or in the wrong, how do you think about him? Do you refuse to judge his motives, or do you allow yourself to judge him, concluding that his motivation is evil (Matt. 7:1)? Do you think the worst of him, or the best (1 Cor. 13:7)? Do you let yourself be lured into thinking of and treating him as a despised enemy, or do you love and desire to help him as a dear friend — as you would want to be treated, were you in error (ibid.; Matt. 7:12)? Are you building a case against him in your heart, and devising strategies to defeat him? Do you continually set up unreasonable expectations for your husband to meet--setting him up for constant failure, or are you nurturing love and respect for him, and conceiving ways to help, bless, serve, adorn, and win him (Gen. 2:18; Prov. 12:4; 31:12; Rom. 13:10; 1 Pet. 3:1)? Are you looking for ways to be served or to serve?
16. In what ways can your husband’s heart trust in you? Is he able to be confident that you will do him good and not evil all the days of your life (Prov. 31:11, 12)? Does he have reason to be sure of your love, your support, your friendliness, your companionship, your help — all those things you promised him when you married him (Gen. 2:18, 24, 25; Prov. 2:17)? Or must he always be on guard, fearful of the next conflict? Can he concentrate on moving forward, of must he ever guard his flank, fearing your next assault? Does he live in fear that you might unexpectantly leave him?

My week

2008-01-20T13:49:00.001-08:00

Thanks for all your prayers...we have needed them. The past week has been hard and pretty busy. I wasn't home much at all. Unfortunately, b/c of family strife my grandfather's estate had to be settled right away. My mom was the legal executor of that. Thus, my brother, myself and Paul were pretty tied up in that this week.

Due to the fact that most of my family are not saved and that they do crack cocaine there was alot of conflict. At one point my uncles got into it and I had to call the police--it was a pretty ugly fight. I thought they would kill each other. Guns were within reach...kind of scary. So sad that earthly possessions are that important and that there is so much bitterness and hositilty that lives within their hearts. The police did come and calm the situation. There were some unfortunate things that led up to this conflict and since then there have been more. Threats have been made on our lives and my grandfather's house. Anyway, the saga continues there...

So, of course, many cards have come in the mail. So sweet. It is encouraging when people let you know that you are thought of and prayed for. They all have meant a great deal to me. But there is one that has stood out to me the most. A lady in our church sent me a "Give Thanks" list with her card. Giving thanks is so key to handling grief in a way that will give glory to God. Hey, giving thanks is key to everything really! And yet, it is something we forget to do the most often. It's probably the most obvious thing we know we should do...but alas, we forget!

So, I want to share what I am thankful for from this trial:
I have so many many things to be thankful for. The Lord has granted such peace and grace this week. I don't know what I would do without him.
It struck me just how complicated my family's lives are...they are so afraid of the police. I am thankful for a different and better life. I was reminded of the verses in Romans 13 about how if you live a life of good you have no reason to fear the authority. That is definitely a blessing I have never realized I had. I have had that blessing and didn't even realize it. I wonder how many things I have and don't realize it.
I think that I have alot more peace than I even realize. Do you know what I mean?
I guess I haven't realized how much grace and peace is right there at my disposal. But it is always there...grace upon grace...it will never run out.
It is always flowing.
So many things have gone through my mind this week. I am so grateful for God's truth from scripture. Usually we think of truth as being for the purpose of teaching, learning, and correction...but it is also for the purpose of comfort. God's truth is reassuring. It is sweeter than honey in the comb. My love for God's truth has grown alot just in this past week.
The other thing that I am thankful for has been God's forgiveness and love. If it hadn't been for his love given to me I could have never forgiven what needed to be forgiven and I too, like my uncles would live in perputual bitterness and unforgiveness.
I thought this morning in church about how if I am a child of God I am without excuse for unforgiveness or bitterness in my heart. Since I have experienced that love, forgiveness, and kindness then I am able to forgive. I am able to love unconditionally and I am able to extend kindness even when someone has heaped evil on me. Yet, even God's children waste alot of their lives away with unforgiveness and bitterness. Perhaps it is b/c we either don't truly appreciate and understand God's love for us...or we don't care about it. But I am learning more and more just how powerful and deep the Father's love really is.

The Lord gives the Lord takes away, blessed be His name!

Di

Take Heart

2008-01-18T08:43:00.001-08:00

This is a quote by Paul Tripp on the phrase, "Take heart" found in Psalms 27.

"When I'm in difficulty and I "take heart" in the Lord, rather than be weakened by the difficulty, I grow stronger. The more I meditate on the glory of God, the more my faith grows; the more my faith grows the more I respond to life with hope and courage; the more I respond to life with hope and courage, the more I harvest the new fruit in concrete changes in the situations and relationship that I am facing.

If you're God's child, you have reason to "take heart," no matter what you're facing."

Prayer vs Thinking

2007-12-19T21:20:00.000-08:00

y times we hear, "just pray about it." But the older I get the more I realize that I have used prayer to tell God what I want, to ask Him to bless what I want, to push my will on Him, to vent my frustrations, to worry and complain, and to avoid what I know He already wants me to do. We really misuse prayer sometimes. And perhaps the most commonly misuse is for the purpose of stalling. We already know what God wants us to do and we stall for more time all in the name of "I need to pray some more about that." It's sort of like reading a command in scripture, turning around and saying, "well, I need to pray about that and ask God if he really meant for me to obey." Nothing wrong with praying that GOd would give me strength to obey...but it shouldn't be a stall tactic. Came across a quote today:

Martyn Lloyd-Jones in his teaching of John's first epistle. He writes:

In a situation of crisis, the New Testament does not immediately say, "Let us pray." It always says first, "Let us think, let us understand the truth, let us take a firm hold of the doctrine." Prayer may be quite useless and quite void. . . . Prayer is sometimes an excuse for not thinking, an excuse for avoiding a problem or a situation. Have we not all known something of this in our personal experience? We have often been in difficulty and we have prayed to God to deliver us, but in the meantime we have not put something right in our lives as we should have done. Instead of facing the trouble, and doing what we knew we should be doing, we have prayed. I suggest that at a point like that, our duty is not to pray but to face the truth, to face the doctrine and to apply it. Then we are entitled to pray, and not until then.

Big Story Perspective

2007-12-15T12:01:00.001-08:00

Okay...so often I get this idea in my mind that this life, this story, every drama, every trial, every blessing that goes on in my life is all about "MY story" and I am the key character in my drama. But you know, there is such a bigger picture to everything that happens to each of us. We are just embedded in a bigger story: GOD'S story. I am just a very very small part...I mean very small. I think the toughest time for me to remember this is when someone sins against me. I think that it is a sin against me and me only. I think that since I believe this I can deal with it according to how it will help me. Perhaps pragmatically, I will decide to obey scripture about dealing with conflict, just when it is in MY best interest. I also tend to let that sin against me get me all bent out of shape--especially if I am lacking an eternal perspective about the crisis/conflict. I suppose an eternal perspective will keep me from falling apart or responding in an out of control manner. Sometimes, when a person offends us we can think that that is what life is all about...MY disappointments, MY hurts, MY offenses, and so forth. When we think this way it can cause us to be consumed by these disappointments...and I think that is where we will find much unhappiness, lack of joy, and discontentment. Perhaps it is like letting our joy and contentment rest on what others do. But if I can grasp that bigger picture, that eternal picture and find my rest in that eternal hope, then maybe disappointments from others won't be such a zinger that knocks me down.

I can't help but think about Joseph and his response to his brother's who had sold him to slavery: "You intended to harm me, but God meant it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." (Genesis 50:20)

It is very evident in his response that he had a "bigger" picture of life. He didn't see himself as the key character or his life as the main story line. He saw his life as a very small part in a bigger picture. That picture is God's redemption story. We are all embedded in this "redemption story." So in reality, there is only one story. Not millions and billions. Just one. GOD'S. And it's a story about redeeming love. And the cool thing is, Jesus' name is whispered in every part of the story...in your part and mine. His name is whispered in the part about Noah and the flood; Adam and Eve; Jonah and the whale; Daniel and the lions; and Shadrach, Meshach, and Abindego in the fiery furnace. Jesus is the main character. His demonstration of the greatest love: dying on the cross for our sins is the main story line.

I guess I really need to get to a place where I see myself as a small part in a bigger story. One story of all time. Not many different stories. Maybe this perspective will help me learn to respond to being sinned against in a graceful way.

So the next time someone sins against me I need to remember:

1. Turn to the Lord--not away from Him. Our sinful responses and focus can cause us to turn away from the Lord in these difficult situations. I need to continue to meditate on Him and His goodness, His beauty, His love, His forgiveness, His faithfulness, and all other attributes that we see in this Larger Story of the main character: Jesus. It's easy to dwell on all the mean and nasty things people say and do to us. We can become consumed by the hurt others cause us. But letting my mind consider and meditate on the Lord and His character is a better replacement and will keep my focus on that Bigger Picture and the Main Character.

2. Remember your place. Your life no longer belongs to you. Your story is no longer just your story. You now are part of a kingdom of another and your life is part of the plan and purposes of that kingdom. Don't allow yourself to begin to think that you're in the center of your universe. Remember, you've been chosen to live for the glory of another, and when you do, you'll reach levels of personal contentment and joy that aren't possible any other way.

3. Be wise: learn your lessons. Let the trials, the hurt of others strengthen your character. God has you in the painful moment, not simply to reveal himself to you, but to grow and change you through it as well. He's chosen to keep you in this fallen world because he has a bigger purpose than your happiness. He also isn't done refining you. Sure, you long for the grace of release and the grace of relief, and sometimes you do experience these, but primarily this moment is a moment of refinement. The heat of interpersonal difficulty is meant to purify us, something that each of us continues to need. We should never be surprised when life hurts and is hard. And don't be too quick to find away out of the heat. The heat is what is refining us.

4. Reflect his light. Point others to Him. In our trials, in these hurtful times, God is not only calling you to submit to his will, but to actively give yourself to the values and work of his kingdom. He calls you to reflect the light of HIS character. Remember you have died to self. You are now alive to Him, for Him. He calls you to suffer in ways that can only be explained by his presence and power in your life. Jesus said it this way, "that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)

5. Don't be selfish--Be selfless. Since conflicts, trials, and difficulties are not all about you and me, think about how you can minister to others. What will help them and build them up--not what will be easiest or less painful for you. It may call for you to do something really hard. Really drastic to help and encourage them. It may call for you to confront them in love. It may call for you to put aside your own interests and look to theirs. It may require a sacrifice of time or money. It may call for you to allow them to experience pain.

6. Be a servant. Be willing to wash the feet of those God places in your life. Look for ways to serve others. Remember, we are here to serve, not to be served. Don't be about setting your life up for yourself. Don't be looking for ways others can serve you and make you happy and comfortable.

So, we are part of a bigger story. A story of redemption and love. WOW! How awesome to know this and to have the privilege of being a part of that. I am honored that the Lord allows me to be a part of His redemption plan. I mean, it's just amazing! I can't help but think about all my weaknesses and sins. And yet He works through those to make His story happen.

Di

Discipling the mind

2007-11-30T13:59:00.000-08:00

I like lists and questions that help me apply God's word to my everyday life. Here are some great questions that Elisabeth Elliot shares in her book, "Glad Surrender."

The disciple who means to compel every one of his thoughts to surrender in obedience to Christ would do well to test himself by asking:
1) Whose glory do I seek?
2) Is this for or against the knowledge of God?
3) Am I giving mind to wholesome precepts?
4) Am I morbidly keen on mere verbal questions and quibbles?
5) Is it more important for me to understand than to obey?
6) Is it more important for me to know than to believe?
7) Will one side of the question inconvenience me?
8) Do I reject a particular truth because it will inconvenience me?

Blessings--a trial?

2007-11-29T13:08:00.001-08:00

My thoughts today have been prompted by the blogspot over at Girltalk.

Sometimes, when things are going pretty well...and we haven't experienced any "major" crisis--it's tempting to think that God isn't testing us. I guess sometimes we can tend to equate prosperity and blessings with "easy" and "success". But you know, the older I get the more I realize that when things seem to be going well...bills are paid with money left at the end of the month, kids are healthy--school going well, and so forth...that actually blessings can be a sort of test. Those easy times test our character and our faith--will I continue to turn to God when I am not "forced" to? Will I continue to seek answers in His word even when I sense clear directions and I know we are in His will? When things are going well, I think as Americans in particular we tend to lose sight of God.

Here is a quote from Spurgeon that I thought was good:

"But another testing moment is prosperity. Oh! there have been some of God's people, who have been more tried by prosperity than by adversity. Of the two trials, the trial of adversity is less severe to the spiritual man than that of prosperity. It is a terrible thing to be prosperous. You had need to pray to God, not only to help you in your troubles, but to help you in your blessings. Mr. Whitfield once [requested prayer] for a young man who had-- stop, you will think it was for a young man who had lost his father or his property. No! 'The prayers of the congregation are desired for a young man who has become heir to an immense fortune, and who feels he has need of much grace to keep him humble in the midst of riches.' That is the kind of prayer that ought to be put up; for prosperity is a hard thing to bear."

Easy times are a hard time to bear as well...it's during that time we can let our guard down and forget to seek God as our helper...it's during that time our flesh can easily rise up in us in the form of pride. Then the "hard" stuff hits, and we lack the knowledge and faith to endure.

Perhaps you find yourself shaken during most tests...it could be because you let your guard down during the "easy" times. So, seek God all the time...never let your guard down. It's always a battle going on. Consider the "easy" times as breaks from the war. But expect the "hard" times most. Be blessed in the "easy" times, but don't expect your life to be "easy" all the time...that will come in heaven!

Using Thanksgiving as a Measuring Rod?

2007-11-25T16:22:00.000-08:00

Recently my son and I have been looking at how giving thanks effects our daily lives. One particular passage has snagged our attention.

I Timothy 4:1-5:

1The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. 2Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. 3They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth. 4For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, 5because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer.

As we have been pondering this passage and discussing we have seen how God intended for us to enjoy life. God intended for us to enjoy food. Clothes. And many other things. We don't make our selves more spiritual by abstaining from the things God intended for us to enjoy. Everything God created was intended for us to enjoy so that we would turn back and praise Him for it. That glorifies Him.
But the question came up--how much is too much. We are warned about gluttony. We warned not to love money. We are commanded to not make idols from our material good. So how can we know that we have gone over board with too much food? Or too much emphasis on clothes, video games, TV?
My son asked, how do I know what video games I can play? I asked him, "can you genuinely thank God for it?" He said, "sometimes, if the game has strong language in it I can't. How can I thank God for sin?" We carried this over to food. "Can I genuinely thank God for what I am about to eat?" If I can't than perhaps it would be sin for me to eat it. If I can't thank God for something, then it would be sin to partake of it.
So, we have learned a new aspect of thanksgiving in our home--thanksgiving as a measuring rod for whether or not we can partake of a video game or not or TV show. If we can't say "thank you Lord for this game or this movie." Then perhaps it wouldn't be right to partake of it. I liked how my son put it, "how can I say thanks for the opportunity to view sin?" So, I have been doing this alot lately myself. Asking, "can I truly thank God for this movie?" "Can I thank God for this book?" "Can I thank God for these purchases at the store?" "Can I thank God for this food?"
Try it...see what happens. Ask this question about everything you do today. It just seems to give some real direction and perspective. And I find myself thanking God more in the process.
I think he is on to something here.

Di

No more mommy bear

2007-11-12T14:14:00.000-08:00

When Paul and I were just beginning our family we sat down and talked about our goals. What do we want our family to be like? What is our top goals. The number one of course was that our family would glorify God through serving and honoring Him in our words, attitudes, thoughts, and actions. But a second goal kept surfacing as important. That was to raise our children to be godly adults dependent on God, not us. We based this goal on :
1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 (New International Version)

11Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, 12so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

I like goals...they give me clear directions. They tend to unscramble or untangle situations. One thing this particular has done for me has helped me to put aside my "mommy" tendencies or feelings and let my kids hurt. As my kids get older their situations get bigger and it is hard to let them "feel" it. I like to soften the blow. Another thing us moms are known for is taking up offense for our kids. When someone hurts them we want to be right there next to them fighting for their rights...but as I consider this I am wondering if this is really a right and best repsonse? It's something I am thinking over some lately. Our world teaches us that we should make sure we stick up for our kids...not that we shouldn't ever...there may be times for this, but I wonder if this is a form of "coddling". Perhaps I need to instead of sticking up for them, I need to teach them to suck it up. To learn to "take it". I guess if my goal was to raise my kids to always be my babies then I would run and rescue them and coddle them and make sure they know I am sticking up for them (this is okay--but not the first goal.) My first goal has got to be raising them to be mature, responsible, godly and dependent adults on God--not me. I need to always be putting them back to God, I need to always be pointing them back to what the Bible teaches our responses should be toward those who would offend us. If I run to their side and say to them, "o! You poor thing...those bad people! Well, it's okay, mommy loves you." Hmmmm...well, that would be okay I guess if they were never going to grow up and move away. I could always come running to their side to make them feel better. But that's not reality. My kids will grow up and they will get hurt out there and people will mistreat them...so what am I doing to prepare them for this? what is most important for them right now, for them to feel mommy loves them and hates those bad people who hurt them, mommy will always be on your side? Or do I teach them, our repsonse toward people like that is to be gentle, loving, patient, kind, not returning evil for evil, insult for insult. I need to give them the BIBLICAL tools (not worldly), to handle life's pressures and insults.
Just something I am pondering as I see time passing by quickly. I don't want to raise wimps! I want to raise godly giants. Totally dependent on God, not mommy.
I have to put aside my initial feelings to "protect" or to the mother bear...I just have to. Those feelings are more about me, not my kids. I hear moms, myself included using that as a reason to defend their child...but in reality, that could just be a cover for selfish mommy feelings.
So, yeah, I am thinking about this because my kids go through hard stuff sometimes. Sometimes the hard stuff they go through is because of their poor sinful choices and I have to put my mommy feelings aside and let them have the consequences to their actions. No matter how tough.
This why I am glad I have a husband. I can guarantee that most times my husband is right about the course of action to take in the discipline--painful. I need to just step aside and submit to his leadership in this. He is able to separate what is best from his feelings much better than I do. I need to be willing to acknowledge that God has equipped our husbands to be tough...and we mommy's need to submit God's design in this.
I tell you what, It's hard sometimes. I don't like to see my kids have painful consequences. Not fun at all.

Glorifying God

2007-10-31T09:44:00.000-07:00

That phrase, "glorify God" gets thrown around by us Christians alot, don't you think? But what does it really mean? Is it truly our focus? Do we really desire to glorify God? Do we know why we should?
Someone just recently asked these questions to me. I have grown up hearing them. So, it has just been given for me to glorify God.
As I have been pondering my friend's questions I have come to realize that my first response to her was a very fine prepackaged Christian answer. First, I said that glorifying God means to worship Him. Second, I should glorify God because that was what I was created for. And third, Yes, I want to glorify God...I think...I have never stopped to think about it.
Giving it more thought I am realizing that glorifying God is not just a Sunday Morning worship thing we do...it's a focus in life...it's the driving purpose behind everything I do in life. It is God's driving purpose behind the creation of the world, the trials He gives me, the work on the cross, the relationship He seeks to have with mankind, and everything else.
Glorifying God is lifting Him up, pointing others to Him. Not just worshipping Him, but actually pointing others to Him. So this makes me think a little more about what I wear, where I go, what I eat and drink, what I say...do all these things I do in life point others to him or myself or to something else? Am I being a light in the dark places?
Yes, I was created to glorify God...I am His workmanship, created to do good works. God is also very much worthy of our glorifying Him. But another significant reason I am to glorify God is becaues I am not my own...I have been bought by Him to do with me what ever he chooses to do. I was bought with a very high price. How can I the purchased, turn to the purchaser and question what He wants to use me for?
Now, do I desire to glorify God? After considering this question I was posed I would have to say, "yeah". I do. Somedays I don't understand this desire in me...it is drives me to do what is right in the most difficult situations and when I don't do what is right, boy, do I know it. I can feel it within my spirit that I have not glorified God. I also think, because the Holy Spirit resides in me, I am effected by His passions and desires...perhaps actually it is His desires that I can feel deep within me to urge me to do what is right. But yes, I can honestly say, I do want to glorify God. It has given me such purpose in life. And I have peace with the Creator, knowing that I am living out the purpose I was created for--not going against His ideal for me. If I were to live in such way that doesn't glorify God, I suppose that would be rebelling against God. Hmmmm...that makes me think of Romans 1. People who rebell against God's original design--reprobate mind.
Don't want to be there.

Di

Is your back door closed?

2007-10-28T20:36:00.000-07:00

Interesting and challenging question posed this weekend at a very good Horse show called, "Sermon on the Mount".
Is your back door closed? Meaning, are you totally committed to following the Lord? Or do you leave that back door open just in case you want out?
Are you fully committed to God and sticking it out with Him? Or will someday you walk away from Him?
Better close that door today! If you leave it open the temptation to walk away will always be there. It's like keeping the opportunity to turn away from God as an option in your life.

Close the door and throw away the key. And don't look back.

Tomorrow

2007-10-27T09:15:00.000-07:00

If I am so focused on what I want for tomorrow, then I will miss out on the blessings I have today.

Grace that teaches

2007-10-13T19:14:00.000-07:00

This word, "GRACE" keeps coming up in my life. I think there is something beyond what i have already learned that God wants me to get. This week in my study of Titus it came up again. I have read this verse over and over again. Actually I memorized it in AWANA when I was very young...but for the first time the other day it jumped off the page into my heart! Ever had that happen?!
Anyway, I was asking scripture, "How does grace teach me to say "no" to ungodliness? I am still thinking on this. I kind of think maybe it has to do with His grace motivating me and working in me and through me. But I am thinking I am missing something still.
Would appreciate your input.
Di

Why do I have to always go first?!

2007-10-10T14:43:00.000-07:00

For me, sometimes, I get upset when I have to be the one to confess first in a conflict, either with my husband or someone else. I know that this actually God's refining of my character...I am sure there is pride He is trying to cut away and replace with humility. I was reminded of I Peter 5:5 today. It says, "God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble." Pride is probably the root sin for all other sin we show outwardly. Pride keeps us from hearing another person. It keeps us from being teachable and reasonable. Prides stands in the way of submitting to others opinions and preferences. It's what is at the heart of thoughts like, "I know better how to handle this." It's also the root reason we work harder at being understood rather than trying to understand.
I have been thinking about this today and wondering what changes would need to be made in my life if I were to put on humility. First, I think I would be willing to say about a challenge I am having with my child, "I think I will wait until I talk to Paul about this. His thoughts and understanding are at least as important as mine, if not more." I would find myself working alongside my husband as a teamplayer, rather than opponent. I wouldn't throw accusations at him...or believing it is his fault when something goes wrong with one of our children. I wouldn't stand in the way of his leadership at home. Instead I would work to protect it, support it, and encourage it...not resist it. (Whether I believe he is handling something perfectly or not).
But the number one thing that stood out to me was, I would be graciously and willingly confess my sins to him--first.
In light of I Peter 5:5, the sooner I humble myself, the sooner I experience God's renewed grace. The sooner I run to the foot of the cross, the sooner the gospel is shown in my life. If I will confess then I will no longer have to worry about my own reputation anymore...or defending myself. Instead I will be flooded with God's mercy.
I was challenged today in a book I am reading with this, "Am I running the gospel race? Or playing the blame game?"

Di

Only One thing--Really?!

2007-10-09T18:20:00.001-07:00

"One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his holy temple." (v.4)

Borrowing a little from a devotional I read today. This verse just really stood out to me.
This verse convicts me here...David says that he desires only one thing. To dwell with the Lord all His days. I don't know if I can say that. Some days I think I can, then other days...well, life gets BIG to me...and I have tons of requests of the Lord. Now this verse isn't saying we shouldn't make requests, that's not the point of this verse. The point is to illustrate, that David's one real true desire is to dwell with the Lord...that that is enough for Him. If God doesn't provide anything else...dwelling with Him is enough and it is the one thing that is needed. Reminds me of the story of Mary and Martha, when Jesus says, "Mary has chosen the one needed thing."

So, the question that I hear in this verse is, "Do I truly believe God is all I need?"

Quote of the day

2007-10-04T10:21:00.000-07:00

"Oh! Who is a God like unto him, that forgiveth iniquity, and casteth the sins of his people into the depths of the sea? I shall not always live thus, the land to which we are going is far different to this wilderness through which he is now leading us. Then we shall see his face, and never, never, sin."
~John Newton

When I sin

2007-09-23T18:50:00.001-07:00

The Lord has been teaching me over the past year to learn to praise Him and thank Him as a response to trials. Just recently, actually very randomly I have been challenged in this, "When I sin what is my first response?"
Do I try to fix myself?
Do I turn to someone else to help me?
Do I feel sorry for myself?
Do I punish myself?
Do I run myself down?
Do I give up and throw in the towel?
or
Do I turn to the Lord for forgiveness? Do I cry out to Him from the darkness of my sin?

If I am not turning to the Lord as my first response that could possibly indicate that I am not trusting Him as my Savior. Yeah, maybe sometimes I eventually come around, but usually my first response indicates what is really in my heart. If eventually I come around to God, it's usually because I have tried the other things to fix the problem first, then I have come to the end of my rope and give GOd a try.

Do I really believe I John 1:9? Do I really believe He is willing to forgive me no matter what? Do I really believe His forgiveness is unconditionally offered to me at anytime? Do I really believe that He remembers my sins no more?

More willpower?

2007-09-11T20:37:00.001-07:00

I get so frustrated with myself sometimes when I return to the same old sin. Repeating and repeating. Suffering the consequences for it and the guilt all over again. I have been trying to figure out why I can't get myself to choose not to do that same sin.
Well, recently the Lord revealed something to me that I just hadn't connected before. So often we think it's about having more will power or determination. Or more help from God. But as I think this through I have come to realize that there is nothing at all wrong with my will power or with the power of the Holy Spirit inside of me. I have a very strong will and it's very much alive and active. The problem really lies within my desires and my thoughts. Maybe desires that have become more important to me than obeying God. Or sinful thoughts that have become a part of who I am. I have a very strong will, it's just dysfunctional because of my desires and thoughts.
It's not about mustering up more determination or receiving more of God's help or power. It's about my desires. If I had desires to obey God and my thoughts were like having the mind of Christ I believe this would make it alot easier to have a healthy will.
So, I think from now on, instead of trying harder I am going to take a few steps back and ask God to show me what desires are in my heart that led me into sin. I am going to retrace my steps and find out where I first had the wrong thought. Where I processed something wrong. I can use Philippians 4:8 to help evaluate if my thoughts are right or not.

Pursuit of Happiness?

2007-09-10T09:00:00.000-07:00

I am still thinking on this happiness vs contentment thing. The more I dig in scripture the more I see verses like, "Happy are the people whose GOd is their Lord." So it got me thinking how God does want us to be happy. But I think that perhaps where we get messed up is when we go pursuing happiness through the world rather than in Him. In the verse I mentioned I believe the key word would be LORD. Making God my LORD. If I pursue making Him my LORD then I will find happiness. But I don't know if this type of happiness is the same as the emotional state of happiness? Maybe it is...maybe it is a state of delight in Him? And that delight effects our faith? Maybe when I am actively pursuing Him as LORD of my life through obedience I will find joy AND happiness. SO maybe the more I am happy in HIM the more content I will be. I Think there is a connection...but the more I find myself happy in the world with the temporary the less content I will be because those temporary things lose their fun pretty quick. And they are just not very satisfying. Drinking of the Lord is what will satisfy my soul.
Di

Being Happy is that the same as being content?

2007-09-06T08:39:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about something. Actually it's about a lesson I learned the hard way. It is how to be content. Being content isn't being happy. But sometimes I would get that mixed up in the way I thought. I would wind up chasing after things that would make me happy and ended up pretty miserable. I guess the reason that I would be miserable is because everything in the world is temporary...therefore, everything only has a temporary happiness. The flip side of that? Since everything is temporary, everything has temporary sadness too--that's a good thing :-). The only true happiness or contentment is found in serving the Lord...that's because those things we do for the Lord and the spiritual blessings He gives to us are all eternal, therefore they have an eternal happiness or contentment. The pursuit of righteousness and holiness will bring contentment.
It's easy to get caught up in pursuing the things in the world. They are easy to see...in fact they are easy to get our hands on right away. The crazy thing about that? The minute I get my hands on those earthly treasures that I thought would make me happy, they tend to disappear in my hands. The happiness they bring might last for a little while, but then I find myself moving onto the next thing. Looking for happiness again.
Matthew 6:33 has been a very important verse in my life. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these other things (what we need) will be added unto you."
My job is to focus in on seeking the things that are found in the kingdom of God--you know, the things of eternal value and seeking His righteousness in my life...when I do this He just takes care of everything else.

Trusting God with my heart--not others

2007-09-04T16:03:00.000-07:00

I wonder, if I would just embrace God's faithfulness and promises. If I would just trust my heart totally to him. If I would just believe that He is all I really need. If I would seek Him digently with all my heart...would I seek another? Ever?

“It is a very easy thing for us to get into a desponding state of heart, and to mistrust the promises and faithfulness of God, and yet, all the while, to look upon ourselves as the subjects of a disease which we cannot help, and even to claim pity at the hands of our fellow-men, and to think that they should condole us, and try to cheer us. Perhaps they should; but, at any rate, we must not think that they should. It will be far wiser for each one of us to feel, ‘This unbelief of mine is a great wrong in the sight of God. He has never given me any occasion for it, and I am doing him a cruel injustice by thus doubting him.’” Charles Spurgeon

If

2007-08-29T10:23:00.000-07:00

This is just one line from Amy Charmichael's poem, "IF". It
is on the wall in our Sunday School class. I really needed to hear it.

"If I do not feel far more for the grieved Savior than for my worried self when troublesome things occur, then I know nothing of Calvary love."

Bitterness

2007-08-26T14:41:00.000-07:00

I was cleaning up a computer file today and came across this. I remember it was part of a study I did, but I can't remember when and where. Anyway, the Lord challenged me with this today.

Common Signs of Bitterness:

1. Gossip/Slander: In the process of complaining, we may gossip or slander that person. We may have nothing or very little good to say about that person.

2. Ungrateful/Complaining: Not grateful for this person. You may find yourself murmuring about them to others.

3. Judges motives: Whatever this person does you suspect negative motives in them. Even if they do something nice, you may think that there motives must be off.

4. Self-centered: When you find yourself spending a lot of time thinking about yourself and how this person affects you. Being absorbed with yourself and how this person has hurt you.

5. Excessive sorrow: Grief and hurt has crowded out any joy, peace, or love that you used to have. It has, in fact, filled up your heart. It may, at times, overwhelm you.

6. Vengeful: We may look for ways to avoid this person in order to “punish” them. We may try to give them a “cold shoulder” in a lot of different ways. We may pout in subtle ways. Or we may be less subtle and find ways to punish openly just to hurt them and pay them back for the hurt they have caused you.

7. Brooding: May brood over what has been done to you. You may find yourself waking in the morning thinking about what this person has done and you may fall asleep thinking on it as well.

8. Loss of joy: Lately, you may have little or no delight in your relationship with this person or with other people. You may even find that you have lost your delight in the Lord as well. Instead of God’s peace, your sin of bitterness may be taking over your heart. If you find yourself in depression, intense emotional pain or distress, please consider if maybe you are bitter toward someone.

9. Critical/Judgmental attitude: It is difficult for you to take the focus off what this person has done to you, therefore you no longer even see what you are doing wrong.

A Love-Hate Relationship?

2007-08-21T13:54:00.000-07:00

I have oftened mused over the verse Luke 14:26. I kind get the gist of it, but I still have felt as though I am missing a piece in the puzzle.
Here is the verse:

26"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple."

Have you ever wondered why God say we should "hate" anyone? I have. I get the point, I think. It's something about be willing to let go of any ties to follow Christ. By why did he use the word "hate"?
I am reading a book right now called, "Idols of the Heart" by Elyse Fitzpatrick. Well, it's very convicting to say the least. Anyway, she addresses this verse and I think maybe I understand what Jesus was saying a little bit better.
Here is a quote from her book:
"Consider the difference between Eli and Abraham's relationship with God. Abraham loved his son, but he loved God more. he worshiped God and was willing to do so even if it cost him the person dearest to his heart. Yes, Abraham loved his son, but his love seemed like hatred in comparison to the love he had for God. Eli would have said that he loved God and his sons, as well. But his actions proved that he had other loves, other gods."
So, as a parent I really can feel for both of these men. God asked a great deal from both. God wanted both to be willing to sacrifice their sons for their relationship with God. Abraham showed his love for God by "hating" his son. Eli showed that his relationship with his son and his family was of more value (maybe an idol?) than his relationship with God.
So, how will this translate over into my everyday life? Not just as a parent, but in general? Am I willing to obey God's commands at any cost?
I am amazed at the timing of reading this excerpt yesterday...right before I sat down to read it my friend shared something very similar with me. She really challenged me...she doesn't know she did. We were just "chatting" about some family stuff.
It got me wondering how often I let my kids or my husband or other people interrupt my time with God. It is real easy to neglect bible reading and prayer. But my kids seem like they have immediate needs...sometimes my husband does too. It just seems like it is easy to put God on "hold" and take care of more immediate needs. What I need to realize is my time with God should be my first and most immediate priority, it is my immediate need whether I see that or not.
It's always amazing to me when I feel depressed or out of sorts...kind of grumpy or sometimes struggling to handle a trial or pressures, how often it goes back to the fact I haven't been spending time with alone with the Lord. I usually am living on "fumes" and running pertnear empty when I find myself falling apart. I also find myself lacking thankfulness.

Di

Contentment

2007-08-15T20:50:00.000-07:00

I borrowed some quotes from an article by Dr. Robert Jones from the Biblical Counseling Journal. I really appreciated his insights. Just stood out to me. And I really need to hear anything about contentment anytime. :-)

“What is contentment? It is having a satisfied mind in any situation. It is finding inner satisfaction in God alone and in His provision for you. It is experiencing His peace and confidence in difficult times. It is consciously enjoying the fact that God is good, even when your circumstances are not.”

The answer, says Mr. Jones, is in the verses that come before Philippians 4:11 which he’s arranged into a helpful acronym, “PTO”:
-Pray (vv. 6-7) -Think godly thoughts (v. 8) -Obey God’s truth (v. 90)

These three simple steps offer a clear path out of discontent, regardless of whether my circumstances change or not. As Mr. Jones points out, “If you seek God’s face, renewing your mind with His truth and walking in His ways will produce inner peace amid circumstantial problems.”

Psychology

2007-08-13T12:19:00.000-07:00

Psychology is basically the study of the mind, the way it works, and how it responds. No problem with that...except, psychology has its origins in man's understanding of the mind. What man sees. It doesn't start in scripture to see what God says about our minds. One might say, "well, we don't start in scripture to find information about the spleen or the liver." True. But, the spleen, the liver, etc are the material part of man. But after studying scripture I firmly believe that man has a spiritual side, which I believe the mind is part of. Sure, our mind can effected by the physical or material side of man. But the mind in and of itself is from the inner workings of a man's soul.
I am reading and reading stuff on psychology and have yet to discover a premis in psychology that says man is beyond material. In fact, what I am reading makes it sound like man is just some type of machine.
Here is what I am finding as the premis of the study of psychology:
~Man is either neutral or basically good.
~ Man's problems stem from his/her environment, pressures in his "material" mind, or man just hasn't learned to tap into his inner resources.
~Man should not feel guilt because there is no such thing as "bad" or "sin"--only ineffective behaviors and choices.
~Everything rests on man's subjective feelings. How a person feels about God, about himself, about relationships, even about "truth".

Okay, so here is my dilema today...how can this premis be integrated into Christianity? It appears to me that psychology and christianity not only have two different systems, but two different goals. Psychology seems to be in pursuit of the fulfillment and love of one's self. Christianity is in the pursuit of glorifying and loving God.
So, how can we have Christian Psychology? How can the two go together? They seem so diametrically opposed.

Yet, what I see, so many Christians embracing the philosphies of psychology. Running to Drs of Psychology and Psychiatry for medication to treat a spiritual problem. Why has this happened? And what is Psychology doing to the minds of believers? Is it making us more and more humanistic? Is it minimizing the power of God's Word and Prayer? Is it effecting our ability to believe in the sufficiency of scripture for all of our spiritual needs? Is it saying that man is no longer responsible for sin? Does it deny the depravity of man and his need for a Savior? Perhaps we are learning to be our own Saviors? Maybe we are beginning to call sin "ineffective behaviors" that can treated with medication.
What is happening to the church?

Quote from Dr. Ed Payne, publisher of the journal, "Biblical Reflections on Modern Medicine"
"Intergration implies a merging of things that can be merged. Take a field such as psychology, which is not only formed without biblical principles in mind, but is anti-God and Anti-Christian. It doesn't make sense----not even common sense that you can merge what is God's with what is rebellion against God."

So this quote got asking some questions, "Is the foundation of psychology really a rebellion against God?" If so, "How?"

First of all, as I stated above from my reading I found that psychology denies man's depravity or sin nature. Also, psychology pursues self instead of God. So, psychology appears to encourage man to idolize himself.
As Christians if we follow the sytems of psychology we will be guilty of encouraging idolatry. I mean, think about all the different techniques used to cope. This was a very convicting thought to me, because I know I have fallen into this several times. worst yet, I have used scripture to teach people how to develop better coping mechanisms. Like, if WE do it just right, WE can fix ourselves. In the process we leave out the need for Christ and the transforming power of the gospel. Maybe we have even developed our own gospel?
Hmmmm...I am feeling very challenged right now. This has really effected my thinking deeper than I had realized. IT's amazing how much of the world is in us. We have to be vigilant. We have to be like the Bereans. We have got to be in the word, constantly keeping the word at the forefront of our minds, comparing everything with scripture. We have got to be praying for wisdom. If we are not careful we will just be falling for every wind of doctrine. Easily swayed like a ship on the windy sea. Tossed to and fro...unstable in all our ways. Perhaps this explains the spiritual condition of the church today and its inablity to discern what is right or wrong.

~Di

Strangers

2007-08-07T15:17:00.000-07:00

I was reading in I Peter this morning and came across this:
". . .live your lives as strangers here, in reverent fear." (1:17)
Been chewing on that all day. What does it mean to live as a stranger on the earth? Does it mean to live unattached? Does it mean if I am fearing God then I will live wisely? I will live separated from the world? Will I not let the world into my heart? Maybe it was my son and I were talking about this morning, not having a divided heart?
~D

Commands & God's Heart

2007-07-29T14:00:00.000-07:00

So, I think sometimes we get so caught up in the commands in scripture that we lose sight of God's heart. How often do we stop ask, "Why did God give this command?" God's commands come from the flow of His heart. They were not a list of commands that one day He sat down and wrote. His commands are actually eternal. They have always existed because of His attributes, because of the very essence of God.
Sometimes I think we use God's commands to pursue happiness for ourselves. We just are "using" him as a means to happiness. While it is true that if we obey his commands we will have blessing, we actually miss out on something bigger and better. But when we are obeying His commands because we are seeking His heart we will begin experiencing a relationship with Him.
If it seems like following God's commands just isn't working, perhaps a close exam of my heart will be needed. IT could be, like I posted about before, that I haven't started with that brokness of heart and my motivation for following his commands may be pretty much my perspective--I see his commands just as a list of rules to obey to make me happy. I could just be viewing it as a checklist of sorts that I am checking off and totally ignoring what He really wants me to be doing.
My motivation could also be because I am trying to meet the approval of men. This motivation can eventually lead us to a life feeling like we are failure and we can never do it right or meet up to the standards. But if our focus is on God's Heart then we will see His patience when we fail, His forgiveness when we need it, and His grace to pick us up and go again. If my focus is on the commands then I will just frustrate myself. I will always feel like I can't measure up.
I think that if we truly are seeking His heart we will be in the Word and be prayerful, but we will also be thinking submissively, "Why did God give this command?" "How can I obey the heart of it?" "How can I serve the heart of God today?"
Di

Broken and Contrite

2007-07-26T15:09:00.000-07:00

I read the funniest but very effective illustration today in a book called, "I'll Fly Away" by Garcia Burnham. The cracker was being used to illustrate our hearts. Imagine a person crushing that cracker...you know, like for chili or to use as a topping on a casserole. Anyway, the crushed cracker represents all the trials that the Lord uses us to get us to a place we are "crushed".
So many of us are seeking our true identity and purpose in life. We believe that our identity and purpose our found in pursuing a state of happiness and self esteem. Yet, scripture tells us the starting block to knowing our true identity and purpose are a broken and contrite heart.
Maybe if we pursue brokenness for our sins and sorrow that leads to repentance we will find what we are truly looking for. I don't believe it is in esteeming ourselves. Actually, it's the opposite, at least that is the starting place.
Perhaps we have found ourselves working really hard to the "things" that please God. And just feel like we don't measure up. Maybe the problem isn't, "I just can't do it." Maybe we haven't actually started in the right place. Maybe we need to go back and seek a broken and contrite heart. Realizing we can't do it. Then submitting ourselves to Him. Being willing to obey Him.
Many times when I am this place where I feel like I am just running circles, I can trace my steps back to a place where I said, "no" to God, I won't submit. Then what happens next is I start focusing in all the things I want to do (as good as they may be), it's not what God wants me to do, He wanted me to do something else and I said, "no". To make myself feel better I start pursuing the "godly" things that will improve my life and make me happy.
But I don't begin with a broken and contrite heart. My motives are about what makes me happy and esteems me.
Today, I believe the best prayer I can pray is, "Search me O Lord, know my heart, show me any wicked way in me, lead me into everlasting life."
Having a broken and contrite heart leads to a submitted heart/attitude to the Lord.

God's Truth

2007-07-20T15:41:00.000-07:00

My friend "L" posted something today that is causing me to think even more about this now. Whenever a friend, such as my sweet husband, confronts a sin in my life, do I act as if it is him giving me the truth or God? You know what I mean? All truth really is God's truth. AND God is sovereign. So putting those two things together make me think that God is the one delivering the truth to my heart, he just might be using you, or my husband, or even my kids to deliver the message. For some reason God has chosen to use imperfect messengers to deliver His truth and we can't allow that to overshadow His truth. So, I am thinking I have to get past the imperfections of the messenger and even perhaps the harshness of how it is delivered sometimes and just hear God's truth.
Just a side note about this...have you ever been talking to your child or someone else, teaching them some truth from scripture or giving some piece of advice only to have it hit you in the middle of it all that you yourself need to hear just those very words?! That happened to me last nite with regard to what I posted above.
It just kind of stops you in your tracks, and renders you a bit speechless.
Di

Seriously seeking scripture.

2007-07-20T07:19:00.000-07:00

*Warning: my next several posts will probably have alot to do with counseling as I read through some different books on biblical counseling. I will appreciate any comments/concerns about what I post. Thanks!

Over the past year I was challenged so much that scripture is so very relevant for EVERYTHING in my life. I spent this year reading through the Bible. As I read I looked for evidence of God's sovereignity (someone told me once that God's sovereignity is the best source of comfort through trials, especially death--they have been right); I have also been looking for commands for me and also things I should be teaching my kids as their mom. A while back after reading only two chapters in I Corinthians I was awe struck with the thought that in those two short chapters so many questions could be answered, so many directions given in my life, so many words of encouragement. I felt so full after reading it. I have a very difficult time even reading one chapter a day...gives me so many thoughts to chew on.
So, how can we say we need more than that to answer life?
I have been reading this book about Biblical Counseling. One of the things that the author points out is how the "other" camps bring in so many of their own methods and philosphy. She listed several different types of therapies and philosphies that they use. I had no idea. She points out the premis for each. None of those methods begin with the premis of "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness. . ." Instead it starts with either the evolutionary theory or that man is only a material being, no real spiritual side, more like a machine that is a product of his/her environment.

Fear of God

2007-07-19T07:27:00.000-07:00

A biblical fear of God is one that produces awe, trembling, and reverence. It is the type of fear that drives us to the arms of God not away from Him. This fear does invoke a fear of consequences and intervention for our sins...but it recognizes that God is also a loving and forgiving God. It causes us to recognize our need for Him in our lives and for His sovereign control.
So...if I am not abiding in Him, walking close with Him, or turning to Him through His Word and prayer, maybe I am not fearing Him as I should. If I continue in sin as though I have not been redeemed then I also lack fear of Him. If I have no fear of God then I will have no wisdom, for the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
To call myself a Christian and have no fear of God is to be a "practical athiest"--to believe there is a God but not live like it.

More about idols. . .

2007-07-17T20:03:00.000-07:00

Idols--setting ones heart desire on something above God. So, usually we think of idols as something pretty tangible, but the older I get the more I see myself setting my desires on the less tangible. So, the other day I posted about "Parental Idols". So here on some "Spousal Idols" that I read in the book, "Excellent Wife", by Martha Peace:
1. Good health
2. Physical Appearance
3. Being treated fairly
4. Having a hurt free pain free life
5. Having a Christian Marriage
6. Worldly pleasures (drugs, alcohol, sex)
7. A child or children
8. Another person
9. A material thing
10. An ideal (pro-life, peace movement, etc)
11. Money
12. Success
13. Other's approval
14. Being in control
15. Having your needs met

As long as everything is going alright in the areas I have my heart set on I usually will feel "alright", but as soon as it is removed, or slightly so, I freak out. Maybe even to the point of desperation. I find myself willing to do anything to gain it all back, I might even be willing to sin. Currently, as I type this the Lord has revealed to me that I have an idol that I was not aware of. I realized it yesterday...when something/someone moved my idol and I was willing to sin to regain that idol. So sad.
The things listed above are kind of settle type idols we can have because in and of themselves they are not wrong. But when my heart is set on them above my devotion to God they become an idol. My deepest affection and longing should be for the Lord...but some of the things above tend to replace the Lord at times.
I know that they are not idols when they are removed and I am okay with it and still have a heart devoted to God and what he desires for me.

One last thought by Elyse Fitzpatrick:
"What are you longing for? If you long for earthly security or pleasure, then fear will win over faith. If your riches are here on earth, then they are subject to destruction or loss, and that possibility will make you fearful. But if your treasure really is in heaven, you'll be able to act in faith because you don't have anything to lose."

Why Do I have Idols?

2007-07-17T07:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was remembering to remember the faithfulness of God. In the OT I have several verses that God says the children of Israel turned away from Him to idols because they did not remember all the things He had done for them.
We have been having a lot of discussion in our house about idols of our hearts and how they get there...and this whole thing about forgetting God or neglecting to remember Him and what he has done keeps coming up.
Perhaps one of the most convicting and "scary" passages to me is I Corinthians 10. Such a strong warning for us to flee idoltary, for idolatry is drinking the cup of demons...and we cannot drink both the cup of Christ and the cup of demons.
So, what are idols anyway? In this passage specifically the people were worshipping images that were hand made...they turned to those images to deliver them. They gave of their time, money, thoughts, hearts, desires, etc to those images. I don't have any graven images in my house that I am aware of, but there are some in my heart that the Lord has been revealing to me. In this passage God points out the sins that come out of an idoltarious person...revelry, scheming/evil plans toward others and living, sexual impurity, and grumbling. Hmmmm....grumbling....me thinks I feel very convicted. I keep thinking about how often the Israelites complained against the Lord and against the authority/leaders that God placed over them. I do that.
I'm beginning to think that complaining about anything or anybody is the first sure sign that my heart has set up idols...that my heart has forgotten God's faithfulness to me.
So many connections here in this one passage. I am going to continue in it for awhile. I am also finding out how very important it is to be studying scripture during the times my heart is "hearing" and seeing my sin. I have been praying that God would search my heart and show me the wicked ways...but it is so important that as sin is being revealed I have the eyes and mind of God...it would be so very overwhelming to me to see my sin through earthly human eyes. Makes me feel like there is so much to work on that I just throw in the towel and don't even try anymore. Don't even know where to begin. But if I continue to examine my sin through the lens of scripture and prayer I can see all the sin with eternity in mind. My perspective is just so very different.
Di

Remembering to forget

2007-07-16T10:24:00.000-07:00

I have been challenged lately to notice how often God says, "Remember..." in the Old Testament. Actually that word is in the NT as well. It was the "not remembering" that turned the children of Israel away from God. They forgot God's faithfulness to them.
Many times I find it easy to remember the things I should forget and forget the things I should remember. Often we are commanded in scripture to forget or lay aside sinful things, including the wrongs done to us.
I wonder what would happen to me during trials if I was better at remembering God's faithfulness in the past? What would that do to me in the present? How would this change my response to trials?
How would it change the way I even shared my testimony? Instead of setting up my regrets from the past as a shrine, perhaps my focus in my testimony would turn towards God's faithfulness to me?
Perhaps my trials of today would be overshadowed by God's faithfulness in the past? Maybe a focus on God's faithfulness would make today's worries seem like only momentary bumps in the roads.

Servant vs. Technician

2007-06-29T06:56:00.000-07:00

"I am only a servant that has been called to be faithful and full of faith, not a technician to fix things." David Powilson

This is something at camp that has to be in the forefront of my mind. I cannot fix these girls that come, I can only be faithful to what God has called me to do at the camp. Many people attempt to carry upon their shoulders the burden of fixing a person's heart. That is too much for any human to do. We can not claim this kind of responsibility. Only God is the one doing the work in the heart. If a child comes to Christ or recommits their paths to Him, it is ALWAYS God that has worked in their heart. I was only a servant delivering a message. God's word is not original with me, nor do I give it any power. It already has it's power to do the work from God. When we attempt to assume responsiblity of fixing someone else's heart, we can become prideful and think too highly of ourselves....or perhaps we were thinking to highly of ourselves in the first place and that is why we believed we could fix a person's heart.
Philippians 2:12-13:

"Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose."

Props

2007-06-24T21:54:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about what trials can reveal about us. I am finding out that they reveal just how many things and people we can use to prop us up in life. Trials tend to show just how much we are or are not trusting God on a regular basis. If we are using any thing other than God to prop us up, trials tend to knock those daily props out from under us and we fall flat on our faces. If we are regularly relying on God to prop us up then when the trials come our peace and contentment will still remain.

Di

Camp

2007-06-08T06:23:00.000-07:00

Leaving for camp in the morning. Neeed lots of prayer for strength and wisdom. I am struggling with this head pain again. The timing is a bit of a discouragment to me. I I am back on blood pressure medicine. Got lots to do today. I need to pack, organize my thoughts for each lesson, and alot of misc errands.
It was fun this weekend. we set up three tents in the back yard. THe kids really enjoyed playingin those. E had her good friend from Arkansas here all week. She is a good friend to my E. Her friend brought her hair straigtner iron and used it on E. It looked great! We will get one after camp. E has never had straight hair. She wants highlights now...hmmmm...my daughter is growing up to fast for me....God has been loosening my grip a bit. Just learning to trust him more with her. My son is maturing alot lately too...not so goofy anymore. His awkwardness is going away too. He went to his first youth activity yesterday. they went barn swinging. Sister said it was wierd having little brother along. She said she will have to get used to that.
Well, I better go. Bye for now.

Parental Idols

2007-06-07T06:39:00.000-07:00

"Whose Idols are in the Way?" This was the name of the chapter that probably has been the most convicting to me as a parent. It is from the book, "Age of Oppportunity" by Paul Tripp.
Here were the idols that he listed that as parents we can hold so tight to:
1. Comfort-We may secretly wish that our lives were a resort. That the only demands on ourselves are those we place on us. We may live for comfort and believe that we are somehow entitled to comfort. That any time 0ur child or another person brings us discomfort they are disrupting our lives. As parents if we demand peace and quiet, tranquility, space, etc from our kids we are in danger of seeing our children as the enemy, because we all know that kids do not always bring comfort. We may begin to act out of frustration toward our children and even resent them.
2. Appreciation-How many times have we served our kids and expected them to appreciate it? Not that it is wrong to teach our kids to appreciate things we do for them, but is that our primary motivation for serving them? A sure sign that you have set up an idol of appreciation in your heart is when you find yourself saying something like, "I can't believe you have done this to me after all I have done for you."
3. Success--Believing that if we do our part as parents our children will turn out as success stories. And if they don't we worry what others will think.
4. Control-The author points out that there are probably two ways to live: A) Trusting God and living in submission to His will and His rule, or B) trying to be God.There is little in between. As sinners we seem to be better at the latter than we are at the former.
When we live our lives trying to control our children we will only be focused in on the outward changes in our children, not so much caring about transformation of the heart, so long as I have my thumb on my child everything is okay.
5. Respect-Being convinced we are entitled to respect. Being focuses on this may cause us to "lord" it over our children and abuse the authority God has given to us. When we are only motivated by, "I deserve respect from you." Then what do we teach our kids? We obey mom and dad just to respect them, what about the other dimensions to obedience? Isn't there love involved and relationship?
Having one or more of these idols can cause us to lose balance as parents. All these things are essential keys that parents do actually need to teach their kids, but only for the purpose of training our children the admonition of the lord. We can become so focused on one or more of these that it then becomes our primary motivation for our own selfish desires.

I am also thinking about how these relate in other relationships in our lives. I can see how these things become idols in our hearts when we begin believing lies from the devil. We begin believing that we have rights and we must fight for them, or maybe we believe we deserve so much more, or perhaps we even believe life is supposed to be easy.

Di

Momentary Trials

2007-05-30T20:18:00.001-07:00

When I think about how long a trial is lasting and then compare it to the amount of time that I will have absolutely no trials (eternity)...well, actually my trial is just momentary.

Motivations and Expectations

2007-05-29T14:08:00.000-07:00

Something I have been thinking alot about lately...the Lord has recently been revealing some motivation in me that is less than pure. It's funny how when you begin a new role in your life you can face some insecurities. And that's kind of where I am at.
As a PW I go to my husband's work. I watch him at work. The way I act and my kids act are kind of all connected to his job. It's hard to keep it all separated out.
Actually, there are some biblical expectations the Lord has placed upon me as a PW--like, I need to be temperate, self controlled, etc. I suppose you could say that in order for my husband to qualify for the job he has, I have to qualify. And really, so do my kids. Scripture even teaches that an Elder/Bishop should be able to manage his own household well or he is not qualified.
Ultimately though, those qualifications all fall on my husband's shoulders.
That's alot of pressure.
Then you add to that hundreds of people's expectations. People are all so different. Therefore, expectations will be different from person to person. Everyone comes from various backgrounds, etc.
Then there are the expectations that I place on myself. Sometimes those are very unreasonable. Why I do it, I don't know for sure--expect that maybe it has to do with pride. The Lord is slowly revealing to me the "whys" of this.
Anyhow, I find myself tempted at times to respond to expectations from myself or those around me instead of from the Lord. It's a huge temptation when you are in the spotlight.
My most recent prayer has been, "Lord, please help me to be the woman you have called me to be. Help me to seek to serve you, not man."
I believe that I need to be responding from faith to do the things I do, not other's expectations. I need to be compelled by love to serve. I need to have a genuine heart for this ministry God has placed us in.
It's also easy to get wrapped up in self-serving motivation. Like, doing for others, so that I get something in return, perhaps approval, maybe friendship, etc.
I have to be on guard for this. It's way too easy to fall prey to these wrong motivations. I am just a person with very weak flesh.
Di

His Light is greater than my despair

2007-05-26T12:55:00.000-07:00

I have always "known" this...but have just recently taken it to heart more than ever before in my life. It has been making such a difference too. I thought I knew peace with Him and His presence. And I did, but now on a very new level. And this has come about because of a new and fresh realization that His light is greater than any despair, grief, sin, or sadness I could have.
There are times that our sadness overwhelms us and feels so big. I have also come to realize that my feelings, especially during periods of deep sadness are usually very unreliable. Our "dark" certainities that we tend to cling to while in depression, you know, the lies that Satan will attack our minds with are not sureities at all. The only sureity is God's Light. And we must cling to that in the middle of all sadness. We have to discredit each dark thought and take it place it into the light where the true perspective will be revealed.
Here is a quote from John Piper that I have found encouraging, "While we have light, let us cultivate distrust of the incertainities of the darkness." This means that when I am walking in the light and the times when the sadness has lifted I must saturate myself with the true certainties of his light and truth--this will arm for the times that the darkness will fall.
I believe this will be a huge weapon when that darkness falls again--and you know what? It will because we live in a sad world. Even God has told us not to be surprised when we suffer various trials. We need to be prepared. And I really don't want to continue on in my naivity believing that it won't happen to me. It will and I need to be ready, not in denial.
Di

Unconditional Love

2007-05-23T12:51:00.000-07:00

I have been reflecting an awful lot on the unconditional love of God. A thought that keeps coming back is just how much he loves me with an eternal love--there is no end to His love. His love for me never changes based on what i do or don't do...his love for me is based upon Him, His holiness, the fact that He is the same always. He loved me when I was unloveable, therefore it stands to reason His love for me will not change based upon my performance here on earth. So, to conclude, God loves me the same today as He will in eternity even when I am perfected. He loves with an eternal love. How awesome is that?

Which is harder?

2007-05-21T21:34:00.000-07:00

Dying for Christ or living for Him?
I think the living is the hardest. Recently a question was posed, "Is it harder to live for the Lord or without him?"
Jesus knew we would ask this question, he was ready with the answer, "Consider the cost." Of course it is harder, for if we walk with him, we walk the road of calvary beside him. If we walk this earthly path, well, there is instant gratification...but then what? Wander aimlessly and pointlessly through life, for what? Ourselves and by ourselves? Hmmmm...I would much rather have a difficult life with purpose than to have an easy life without purpose. Isn't that what Ecclesiastes is all about?
And how much more has he suffered for me?
Oh yay, the lazy fleshly side of me...well, yeah, who wouldn't want things to be easy? But the common sense, logical and intellectual side of me says, "Who else has the words of eternal life? Where would I go?"

My Shepherd

2007-05-20T05:29:00.000-07:00

I have been reading the book, "The Lord is my Shepherd" by Elizabeth George. She says that when she is in the "falling-apart" stage of a trial her husband will remind her, "everything will be okay." He doesn't tell her when, or how, or who, or what...just that everything will be okay. She was comparing this to our Good Shepherd--God the Father. It reminded me of something my husband said to me several years ago. We were really having some struggles in our marriage. I remember it just felt like we just weren't communicating with each other. It felt like a constant friction. Never on the same page. One morning my husband had left for work kind of upset with me and I at him. I just cried and cried that day. I prayed and asked the Lord to bring comfort to my heart. That evening when Paul got home he asked me to come into our room. He sat down with me and gently said, "everything will be alright, we will get through this." Those were probably the most reassuring words he had ever said to me. Those words have stuck with me like glue. I don't believe he has ever said that to me again, but I have heard those words in my head so many times since then. Somehow it is comforting to know that everything will be okay and we will get through, no matter what.
Isn't it interesting how comforting that is to know? It's not even about knowing the how's or what the fors...just that everything will be okay.
Since then I have spoken those words to different friends who needed comfort. Even to my kids. And each time they have looked up at me and looked so reassured and comforted.
I like the words of this passage in I Corinthians 1:

2Co 1:3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,
2Co 1:4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
2Co 1:5 For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
2Co 1:6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer.
2Co 1:7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

Di

Sorting laundry

2007-05-17T18:01:00.000-07:00

Sorting laundry is kind of like sorting through emotions. You have to put each piece of clothing/emotion in it's proper place. You have to identify which pile it goes in. Silly analogy, I know. For some reason I thought of this the other day when I was doing laundry. I have had alot of emotions to sort through lately. I have had to give each one to the Lord to help me process it or sort it...to make sure it goes in it's proper place. Sometimes, my emotions have to go through the wash of sanctification because I sin in my emotions at times.
Anyway, this sorting pattern has been helping me alot lately. Just purposefully taking each emotion to the Lord and asking Him if it is clean. I mean, emotions in of themselves are fine, they come from God. Yet in our flesh sometimes we can sin through our emotions.